A new today... gosh... I haven't yet gone to bed... Not quite tired... I have been going around and around on the web reading blogs... And trying to fix how my blog looks... man i think i'm retarded I cannot seem to make it work I only am able to use the templates provided when I try to fix the way I wish it to look no help in that... I'll try to see contact my w-privider to see if I'm able to use FTP??? I can call now but waiting for the call to see if the booty call is on or what??? Some of the Blogs are really great... I specially like two in particular, that caught my eye: Patreesha & Kir. I have seen maybe 100 or 200 over the past few hours to see what goes on. Some I barely can read due to a lot being Portuguese. I can kind of make out some stuff. Monday has rolled in and what will I do?? Work-out! YEP! A primary thing for survival... well food and water are the most important... Still raining... How romantic, bla... Why can't I sleep... Freak another of those nights sitting and surfing the net... For some fun and excitement... I hope that dumb-ass calls... I need some release and then some good old R-E-S-T!!! That will suffixe me for this time. Gosh, I seem to be thinking a lot about starting school. I can't wait and it's only the end of May. I have about 2 more months to have fun... The dumb-ass asked me to go with him either to Hong Kong (SARS, no way!!) or Europe... I asked if I had any input on this? If yes, I would want to go to Hawaii or the US (Maine, Boston, or some other state). I don't even know if I should go as it will give him some sort of idea that we are together and that is not what I want him to be thinking, EVER! Erica and Armando says go for it but I don't know about using some one in that manner... I think I should say 'no, thank you.' I remember him proposing the same thing about 5 years ago but it was with his parents. They did the Asian-Vacation. At that time I was with Joe. And no way in hell he would ever let me go after all, when we started dating, I think it was our 3rd date I called him the dumb-asses name and he freaked. Ever since he was I never want to hear that person's name ever again. Now that I sit and think about it, It is truly funny. Man, I have to stop smoking. I quit cold-turkey for 2 1/2 years. Then, 3 months ago everything just went down the drain. So, I took up my only vice that gets me through every time... My CIGS!! Just messaged him to see if he's off worked and can make the booty call... I am so bored... Ok I should just stop and take it up later on... I'll have a cig and see what's on the tube at 2:30 am... Hey, info-mercials are on, maybe I'll buy something that will work or stay in the closet for all time... HA!

Today started at 11 am... my legs still ache from the 2 and 1/2 hours I treated my body called "excessive" work-out!! in the past 2 days... I started to make myself pretty again... Need to loose those extra pounds from winter... Summer is around the corner even though I cannot go for too long in the sun due to my medication... Yes, I have been taking the medication for about 3 months my dermotologist says that excess exposure to the sun will damage my now beautiful skin... I wanna look as good as God made me... I am still kicking my self for being to shy to talk to that gorgeous china man last sunday night at LaBoom... We gave each other the eye, but noooo, missy was not about to go up to him... So, I ended up alone... Well not quite.. I called my "FUN" friend, to get it on but I was so drunk that... He said the stupidest thing "I respect you too much to have sex with you in this state..." I said "F... that give me what I came for not some mombo-jumbo about your respect me too much!" What is up with that??? I wanted to get it on and he thinking like a girl... respect me too much what the hell is that all about... I'm not his girl... and never will.... Even though he has a 6 figure income... But I ain't about the dough but the PLEASURE. He may not be the hottest guy in town but he can work it so good!! Even when I say "I will never call him again." Next thing you know I'm on the phone calling saying "wanna have some fun. You can go home after..." Yes, I am not quite sure if there are women like me out there... Who need their itch scratched and then the door is flown open and you kick him out... And say "Don't call me. I'll call you. Bye!" The end result that sunday I did get some thing after all cuz I tried my darnest to be sober and got some action not much only on my part... 'Cuz he is that way... Ha... So I did get what I want as I always do... Well, that was sunday night... Dumb-ass, that he is he ruined his b-day with me. Tuesday was his b-day but he messed it up. By just beina girl and trying to connect with me on a more lovy-lovy level. I told him that it wasn't going to work and before I hanged-up I said "...then spend it alone, stupid!" and click he was gone... So brings me to this moment in time, writing for the first time in my life the thoughts and events of my present life-style, for me to read and show to my children may be some day.... The stupidest things I did. Well, let's get back to the morning that was today... Got up at 11 am... Well, I called him again... I said I was not... but I'm desperate for it... Not him!!! But the SEX... Even though we did not have any as he was working in the evening... Maybe I'll call him at the end of his shift... Anyways, doctors don't sleep much! He came to pick me up and we went to eat at Bocaccino's. Erica called me to ask me to go to her godchild's b-day but she only said her name so I thought it was the pretty girl "Corina". I thinking that it was her birthday I told her I will be stoping to buy something for her but she said there is no need to do that but i insisted on doing... So, I went to angrignon mall and did some shopping -photo frame, water candle holder, tealights and tealight holders- for her... Thinking she was a grown woman, never picturing it could be a 6 yr old child. I also passed by La Senza (my favorite store) and picked Erica a gift certificate for her. I was 1 hr late showing up. She wasn't upset that I had made her wait for that long... Plus, to top it all off she was in front of my house. I have never had good luck with girlfriends, I am hoping and praying that she will be totally different from all the others... I cross my fingers that she will never f-me over... So, I say bye to him and wish him luck with his shift... As I get into the car I start telling her of the thing I got and as I bla and bla... She tells me that did I know that it was her godchild's b-day party... I felt such a dumb-dumb... As we went back to her house for her to change. We see her parents in their car going to some sort of function... She lives 5 min away from them... Rocky-relationship!!! I tell her we have to go somewhere to go get Tristina's (godchild) gift from me... She got her an easy-bake-oven. COOL, we talked as how as kids we had one... and just picturing the past with delight... So, it's 4:30 pm the mall is like so far away... so the only thing left is Zellers... We met some peeps that were also last minute shopping for her... Ha, so I wasn't the only one but get this one of those peeps was the kid's godfather at least I had an excuse I had made a mistake and I do not know the child at all... Only the mom as last weekend we went out and we got along... I had a blast!!! Anyways, I got her this game I play with Ben (ex-boyfriend) neices and a how to build a sand castle with multiple colors and extra sand... We ended up getting there at 6pm. I had a great time... The peeps were great... I had a bit of wine and went to my head... I bla and bla and bla so much... The children were so beautiful... Specially, this lady called Dona had the most beautiful little girl I had ever seen, I guess I say that because she looked like me when I was a child... I wonder at that moment about my own neice "Valerie" she is only ayear old but smart as a whip!! So far away... Me in Canada and them in the US... but maybe someday I'll make my way back there when I want to settle down or some sort ofthing like that... So, I talked with Marcel (Erica's man) always seems to think that he has the perfect things to say. F#@$ that!!!! I let him think what he wanted... bla bla... At around 8pm Erica wanted to leave so we left.... I came home and tried to call my Ben to tell him that he still getting mail at my place... The ass has turned off his cell most probably doing what ever. So, I emailed him... I started to think??? Some times that is not a good idea but this time it was because I found a way to write and express my present being at "www.blogger.com." Well, that is it for the today... Let's see what tomorrow brings us. ^_^