Been reading Tony. I get angry at the fact that racism is so alive! I know it exist I'm not stupid! I have not experienced it myself, yet, even though I'm a minority and proud of it!! Maybe I dream too much but I find there is a logical way of everyone co-existing together! Are we too stubborn to do the right thing! Or is it that we just don't care. And we only really care when something horrible has happened! That has been my understanding! Innocent people have died over the years, centuries, and will keep on dying for such causes! The cause of getting some sort of attention to the horrid of the world and all its pure evilness that seeps through time and we just tend to ignore! As it doesn't touch us in any fashion! Yes, there are those who do care and organizations have been built upon those logics and will keep building to get the attention needed and out to the ones who take up the cause!

I feel like a needle in a sea of hay! With no idea of what to do to change the matters of the world. One reason, I have the need to have sorrow constantly in my life and heart. In my mind I want to know, ignorance is not blissful as its been said! The more I know the more I feel that I live in a world that is built of money and power! Bad luck runs within me and I don't need to be pittied! I stay away from people as much as I want to have them around. A recluse and a lover of people! With a sentimental heart which I wear on my sleeve. Just earlier the goddess had a 10 q. meme 'wild cards.' And chicken little followed! Hee... That is a happy thing, which I experience at times of deep sadness and makes me realize that not all is bad in this horrid world of crazyness!

The post was so good! That I had to read all the comments, too! I don't comment as I feel I'll sound like a total dork! Tony always says it how it is which I like! The news always tells it like its NOT!!!! I dislike when things are portrait with such stereotypical status (1, 2, 3, 4)!
Do I believe everything that is reported? Not really, I take it in with skepticism! As we have learned it first hand. There was an episode that occurred in the hospital that was reported in the evening news which was not really the whole truth! And that is not the first time!

In times of need no matter the race, you live to do what it takes to survive no matter what.

One reason I like Montreal is that I don't see such racist crazy shit like in the US! I am thankful to my mother for that! That I got to move to a place where I have friends of all the races. For freaken sake my godchild is 1/2 black and 1/2 chinese! The most beautiful mix I have ever seen!!! And her friends are mix as well white and black! Very beautiful mixtures.

Facing the facts is hard to do at times. All I know is that the mixture of the races has been going on for years and will go on for ever. Eventually everyone will be mix! I wonder what will happen then? Will a different kind of racism exist?

B-g and me, who are of different race, talked about how we would have really pretty kids! Hee... Funny thing, my sister the one that never imagined herself with a black man, has ended up with one! heee... He is really good looking and was one of my brothers Sar. at boot camp! How funny life is! Now she's planning to move to SC to be with him! Never say never!!

I just went to place a piece of me on a comment from the goddess... It made me sad and happy all in one! heee...
The estimator came and will be giving us the estimate next Tue. or Wed. Can't wait! Woke pretty early to clean up a bit. Been washing since yesterday night1 almost done. Need to do the covers!
My Pc is in the frits again! I need to go and leave it once again to Microbytes! This will be its 6th time! I'm kind of fad up! What the hell! I have even asked for them to take it back and they will not have it back. I wonder why? I also, asked if I could speak to someone higher then the Manager and she only gave me an email to send my frustrations to. Not even where the Head Office is, she didn't even want to say! I asked and she just kept repeating send email that is all you can do nothing else. Take it or leave it!

Ok, my next step is?? No idea!! 2gran out in the garbage! FREAKEN piece of sh@# that I have! The thing is under waranty still for another 2 1/2 yrs.

On another note, Carly got her rabies vaccine Sunday night. She will be travelling for the holidays! I will be taking her to the U.S. to visit my family!

In Dec. she has her booster for other vaccines that are required! We still don't know if we are going by air or land... On that we are undecided! Mid Sept. Toronto! Heee..

It's so humid and rainy here. I hate it! YUK! I am such a pig I had 2 huge hotdogs! They were so good! yumm! Water was my side dish and drink, heee...

Today started at 10am... Watched 'white skin' which was made here, while doing my nails. Woke b-g up and we headed to Fairview Mall to get the shower radio at Sony! Music world got Mariah Carey's Cd, kitty litter filter, and the the game store: Harvest Moon and Sonic Hereos! Gonna take a bath at 9:30pm to try out the shower radio/cd player. Ended up at IKEA and got 2 bamboo shoots, 6 (1.49) clear shower curtains and food (2 hotdogs 7 drink for 1.75, extra drink, yogurt ice cream and cinamon bun).

Passed by and washed the car $8 bucks! B-g was suppose to wax the car but got lazy and fell asleep. Woke him up not to long ago and now has ordered Greek food! heee... Pick-up style!!

So, the day started at 11am... What lazy bones I am. Kitty got fed and I had a large yummy coffee with an apple turnover! Called X company but no one answered. Got cheesed and got another ren. company from CAA. They gave me 3 names and the 1st one is coming for an estimation on Wed. finally.

Seems that every renovation company is freaken busy!! Hopefully we can get things started as soon as possible or else we are going with option #1billion which is 'US renovation!' Meaning we will be doing the job ourselves. Need to call the insurance company to see if a claim can be done in that way.

Reading the paper (todays)... damn Karla and her stupid life, she should have been wiped off the planet! 2 missing models from the US... a gene called Klotho (greek goddess who spins the thread of life) has been discovered which may regulate life span in mice... a NH doctor told his patient that she was fat and needed to change her lifestyle fast before she dropped dead, apolygized and all was well... 70mil (fraud) missing from 2 Mutual fund comanies... episiotomies are they really that good for pregnant women? man wrongly convicted has gotten $188,000 in comensation... JAMA journal chief gets bombarded by emails from crazy pro-lifers! 12yr old boy gets bail set at $250,000... library in Holland will be lending people to break the prejudice gap, inspired by a similar venture in Sweden...

trying to look see what kind of waterproof radio/cd players are available here and where to buy them!

(Open to the public)

From Wednesday, September 28, 2005 to Sunday, October 02, 2005, Level 400

Detailed schedule:
Wed-Fri: 11:00 AM at 9:00 PM
Sat: 9:00 AM at 9:00 PM
Sun: 10:00 AM at 5:00 PM

The Home & Trends Show for home decor at Place Bonaventure . Innovative designers in renovation, kitchen and bathrooms, furniture and decorating. Info: (888) 527-9221 ext. 225

Shivaree - Goodnight Moon Lyrics

There's a nail in the door
And there's glass on the lawn
Tacks on the floor
And the TV is on
And I always sleep with my guns when you're gone

There's a blade by the bed
And a phone in my hand
A dog on the floor
And some cash on the nightstand
When I'm all alone the dreaming stops
And I just can't stand

What should I do I'm just a little baby
What if the lights go out
And maybe and then the wind just starts to moan
Outside the door he followed me home

So goodnight moon
I want the sun
If it's not here soon
I might be done
No it won?t be too soon 'til I say goodnight moon

There's a shark in the pool
And a witch in the tree
A crazy old neighbor and he's been watching me
And there's footsteps loud and strong coming down the hall
Something's under the bed
Now it's out in the hedge
There's a big black crow sitting on my window ledge
And I hear something scratching through the wall

What should I do I'm just a little baby
What if the lights go out
And maybe and then the wind just starts to moan
Outside the door he followed me home
So goodnight moon
I want the sun
If it's not here soon
I might be done
No it won't be too soon 'til I say goodnight moon

right so I woke yesterday at 4pm been sleeping random hours... Played animal crossings until 5am! Still in the search for a renovation company... We acalled one and they will not be available until Oct. and if the insurance gets involve, which it will, it will take until Nov. Crystal freaken sake!

Feel like making a carrot cake with yummy cream heese icing! Waiting for the butter and cream cheese to come to room temp. Need to call mycrobytes to see what is going on with the fax I send them Monday!

Been neglecting my reads for a few days!! Been catching naps, watching tv, washing dishes and playing vid. games. About the dishwasher, the tech guy came and looked at the dw, it was F#@$ed! All in all, we need to wait 7-10 days as the parts for the pannel are being ordered! We hope that's going to be the problem or else they need to remove it and take it in to the dw hospital!

I have decided that I will learn Japanese, why? Well, I want to understand anime that I watch... I find that it's better when it's in the original language... My next step is to find a school where I can go this fall... Wow! I can beleive I have decided on something! Yah!!! Plus the language is really nice and the stuff that I want to see is too cute not to do it! Yah! Heee... Tackling one thing at a time is easier then filling out my basket and doing none of them... I realize that I want to do more with my life then sit and surf the net!

Came upon Apple Japanse trailer site looking for Utada Hikaru's husband (Kiriya Taniwa - Japanese version of McG of music video) photo and the director to this movie too!

Places:
roppongi hills, JP - Monument - TONGARI-KUN –Mr. Pointy & the Four Guards by pop artist Takashi Murakami, who designed Louis Vuitton's highly popular "Cherry Blossom" and "Eye Love" lines. Set up in the lotus-filled pond, statue painted w/ 400 colors represents a modernized Buddha.

Movie:
Shinobi

Int'l News:
Kanako Otsuji (30 yr old) - A female member (first four-year term) of the Osaka Prefectural Assembly is set to declare that she is homosexual (extremely rare for an incumbent assembly member or Diet member to confess). She will annouce it during the Tokyo Lesbian and Gay Parade 2005 to be held in Tokyo Saturday. Has an utobiography, confessing her homosexuality, coming out that has been published by Kodansha Ltd.

Champagne Bubble - An art object designed after a bubble of champagne at a Tokyo museum. Commissioned by French champagne maker Krug, Japanese architect Kengo Kuma created the "bubble" that changes its shape with the temperature using a shape-memory alloy covered with elastic ethylene vinyl acetate. When the temperature goes down the alloy is softened and the bubble shrinks.

i-unit - Reinventing the wheel, a futuristic environment-friendly vehicle developed by Toyota within the "Mobility Extending Human Ability" concept, which is put on show at Expo 2005 in Aichi. Paroubek.

makes me realize i haven't chatted with people since 1996... when the yahoo & irc chatswere the things i was hooked to! heee... spending my whole nights blabbing like a crazy person... now, i just play internet games that are solitaire style... occassionally get the itch to got to yahoo games... but that is rare...

came upon a few good blows through the chatting: JeanC (TX, has 3 cats -fred, hilary & nicky- all cute), Dice Six (German born but Filipino 100% now living in HK) and Twenty Sided (30yr old gamer girl also from TX)...

crap lost time... watching the end of Dude, Where's the Party? & know also as Where's the Party Yaar? (Kal Penn, aka Kamar from Harold & Kamar go to White Castle) and starting to watch How to Deal (Mandy Moore). these movies are/were playing on Movie Network! thinking about what's on tv... i haven't been watching tv at all... nothing really on re-runs which i'm fad up... fall season, please begin!!! i wish Adult-Swim was available here in Canada... dang, i miss anime... i need to rent or buy! it's the only way!! why is it that our cable company doesn't provide the Anime Network!!! Freak!!!

crap lost the freaken post again! how dumb can i get!

need to cut it out with blog explosion for a bit, well more like until BB6 (BB in the UK) finishes... so, i find that a new ibook is out! i don't know if i should wait until Oct.-Nov.


what i would like to purchase:

iLife '05 Part Number: M9779LL/A Estimated Ship: 1-3 business days		$99.00	$99.00
.Mac - Retail Box Promotion Part Number: BA006LL/A Estimated Ship: 1-3 business days		$99.00	$99.00
iBook 14" 1.42GHz Part Number: Z0C3 1.5GB DDR333 SDRAM (512MB built-in & 1GB SO-DIMM) Accessory kit Keyboard & Mac OS X - U.S. English iWork '05 preinstalled 100GB Ultra ATA drive Combo drive (DVD/CD-RW) Estimated Ship: 1-3 business days		$2,467.00	$2,467.00
AppleCare Protection Plan for iBook Part Number: M8852LL/A Estimated Ship: 1-3 business days		$389.00	$389.00

Cart Subtotal: $3,054.00

mix 96 just informed that any Canadian that purchased an mp3 players between 2003-2004 in Canada, refunds could be entitled. the amounts may very [$2-$25]. The supreme court of Canada refused over turn the Fed. court appeal to make the “piracy” levy ($4mil by apple - ipods- alone) invalid.

surfing through blog explosion i came upon sunshine state and i may use a pre-made template!

this looks so much like jelly fish! beautiful picture! came open her flickr pics through her site which i was surfing through blog explosion!

joseph from Ottawa - left a message, found him through locate my blog. found the cutest post pic at rockfromdot it's just too freaken cute!!!

Tanya & Jim Ryno (a NJ couple with 2 kids) want the chance to compete at fear factor for the amount of $1million... they have started a blog to share the process they are going through to be accepted... they even have a send an email to: ashton.ramsey@fearfactor.com, to vote for them... pretty cool!!

on a sadder note Peter Jennings died this past Sunday [Aug. 7, 2005] peacefully surrounded by his family. He had quit smoking for 20 yrs. but that didn't prevent him from getting lung cancer. i am getting scared, as i smoked since my late teens to my late 20s. i hope it doesn't come to bite me years later, when my life, hopefully, is happier. why does is it that when you are happy a tragedy tends to occur? it freaken sucks to be a human at times... damn it!
taken from a post by Kevin Pho, MD:
Dana Reeves (the wife of late Christopher Reeves) has been diagnosed with lung cancer, a non-smoker. but years of exposure during her singing career of second hand smoke has caused the desease.

Eddie Murphy's 12 year marriage is ending. 12 years, sheeesh! what happens to those of us that are not even married... that is scary. specially in a time like ours divorce is seen as an easy option to take. no longer is the phrase "lets work it out" in minds but "i'll divorce you instead" comes out more often. yikes! statistics points that 20s and ealry30s have gone through at least one divorce. marriage starters(less then 5yrs - the official site) are very popular with Gen X. (Stephen def. of Gen. X) labelled the Divorce Gen. WTF? i can still go through that, sheesh! i passed through 1 broken relationship [lasting 5 1/2yrs} in my late 20s, but there's the matter of my early 30s, will i succom to that? hmmmm.... i hope not! but i highly doubt that would happen!

i will be showing the 1 mil blog! this site gives you ways to budget (some tips are even given), which i should take into huge consideration, as i am a freaken shopaholic... i am thinking of making it one of my regular reads. i know i should, cuz it would lessen the fights with b-g... heee...

David a music teacher north of Philadelphia. happily attached to a wonderful man for 1yr. very open and honest!! a funny blog matty d, looking for bloggers with similar likes... he has such a cutie kitty! he/she does the one eye wink that Carly does... heee... pretty cute! it's the flash on the camera that bugs them! Carly though does it when she is being talked to all cutie! she's suc a funny kitty! foun a Texan who had a great pic of Fergie from Black Eyed Peas, i find her to be so beautiful! cool, made her my desktop pic! and had a link sorta to plasticnipple! hee... pics of all sorts, OCM would like some of them! heee... at $199 the HP Photosmart 8250's new technology (the printer heads will have 3,900 ink-delivering nozzles instead of 1,266) that's taken 5yrs to process and may reduce ink cost (24 cents per photo).

a very simple and inspiring site: Karen from this tutorial site by Jennifer that i got from Andreea from Romania... which is funny cuz i was at her first site like totally commenting on her images... funny cuz i am blog exploding and her second site came up... oooh it reminds me of the Discover Health channel program i was watching about a Romanian lady name Luchica that had a massive tumor that had made her bedridden for 3yrs... it was really sad but the ending was fantastic!!! La consequencia is a pretty good blog white castle really exists... how backwards i am there's real White Castle, i learned from his post... i love the movie: Harold & Kumar go to White Castle... heee... need to get the DVD!! came upon my best gadgets blog and i read that he has gotten engaged, good for him... Congrats!! then i see their names, all i can say is memories... heee...

i got it from jen2 and she got it from fenina...

You are dreamy, peaceful, and young at heart. Optimistic and caring, you tend to see the best in people. You tend to be always smiling - and making others smile. You are shy and intelligent... and a very hard worker. You're also funny, but many people don't see your funny side. Your subtle dry humor leaves your close friends in stitches.

crystal freak!! what the hell in 15h 30min what happens but 3 crashes. called microbytes: on the 1-800 #, ooh take it in... when i call the local #, ooh it must be the programs you have that is the fault of the crashes... yeah, right... i will be taking it to another place to check if its the motherboard! WTF, is wrong with these people, they dont want to do nothing with my pc or they don't want to honor the warranty! who knows... i hate this problems it makes me not want to get on the pc to surf!

kitty is officially 1 yr and 1 day, heee... she looks so much older... heee... not! today's b-g's 1st day at work!! he left about 20 min. ago. i miss him already! kitty is looking for him... it's so funny she went to the couch then got off and went to the other rooms no b-g, what? she just came pushing my foot, more like saying 'where's daddy?' heee... she just plopped down on my foot now... looking at me like what? i'm allowed! heee...

I miss b-g... and my pc just freaken crashed... another freaken loss... what the hell... bla bla...

we totally forgot her b-day!!! she's officially 1 yrs old!!


we are totatlly bad owners!!! damn, we gave her some tuna and some really expensive treats... so i hope she forgives us! gonna buy her a pretty nice necklace and get her kitty emblem engraved this week!!

i find this quiz is perfect for OCM... heee... check what i got (quiz thanks to >annika):

Aug. 3, 2005 - Wed.
so the day went pretty ordinary... except that we forgot to put out the recycling... dang, i hate that... woke up when the truck was like a block away and i wasnt about to run in my pj's and flip flops(plus as i went to read annika's blog she had a post about flip flops, and well thank god i did not try to run after it, i may had had an injury or even died...) trying to catch up with it... another week with the recyling at the front door, how embarrasing.. Still watching "War and Beauty." chinese drama... on my 6th cd of 10 cd... watered the plants quite late almost noon... crap! nothing much... passed the time reading other blogs...

Aug. 4, 2005 - Thur...
Went toget our $800 for that terrible renovation company! they truly suck... they try to make it seem like it was not their fault that they had not called us about what was going on with the renovations... i really cannot even fanthom people like that... it left me with a bad taste in my mouth! another time i will post the entire situation but for now all i can say they freaken SUCK!!! now, we have to go through the whole crap again... getting a renovations company, the insurance coverage, and bla bla bla... meanwhile our 8gran furniture is locked up in a warehouse collecting dust! freak... i think they just wanted to get out of the commitment cuz they didnt want to go get paid so little for such a big job... assess...

got my PC... but left it there til tomorrow... ate at mc d' and my stomach started to hurt like a bitch... spoke to mom and she was just telling me what Ruffus had done to her the past week... he had opened one of the drawers in the kitchen and taken all the coffee filters and spread them all over the house... that was sorta funny but she was not amused by that... then yesterday he had kicked over a glass of wine in my moms nice livingroom carpet... i told her at least the carpet is pink so the redness that has been left over from the wine cannot really be seen so easily... my sis is back with the the SGT.

spoke to Mondo... he's doing good... told him that we shaved ms kitty! he was so sad for her... heee... he alsmost stole a tabby cat from his work but found out that it was the guy who lived upstairs... heee... gonna hook up next Sat. to go see and maybe buy bikes, as his broke down and its gonna cost too much... better to get a new one... and i want one, so he will help me... heee... gonna spend the night at his place... told b-g he doesnt mind... he trust me and him... which he should nothing would ever happen, even though he is my ex... we started to talk about the past and the stupid things he use to do when he got drunk... heee.. we had a laugh... left it as that... went to bed...

Aug 5, 2005 - Fri.
woke to a somewhat hot living room... yuk! b-g had a meeting... i stayed to fix the pc... called microbytes to find out why my dvd was making all sorts of noice... bla bla... try to open it and find if one of the screws is loose tighten it... bla bla... i did and it worked... passed the next 4 hrs setting up the pc... had to install norton, printer drives and programs, camera stuff, activate norton & xp, itunes, web cam and many other crap...

b-g brought dimsum, bubble tea and the last of the 10 cds... it was so sweet of him... ate and talked a bit... asked about the pc and was sorta happy that everything was working ok... no blue screens up to now... well, got a new hard drive and all the files are gone... so i have to start from scratch... about the music, i still need to put it in... but that will be later... i can finally do what ever i want and i don't have to worry to get off the pc to give b-g a chance to do his work... fix the problem that the printer was having... b-g thinks im so handy... hee, i feel some what useful when i do things like that...

i still need to do some other things... had diner already: a salad with 3 cheese dressing and spaghetti ala carbonada (frozen diner)... was good, b-g thought it was just for me, as i kept asking him what's he gonna have... heee... i ate from the bowls and served him in a nice plate... then i started to think? why is is that women try their best to treat thier men like gold and ourself like shit! and if a woman doesnt do that to her man, it thought as she being a bitch... i pose the question to b-g but he chose to ignore it and just changed the conversation... i myself left it at that, did not persue the matter... is that a bad sign, omen! oh shit!

here i am listenning to music from my past, the memories of my first one... dang, i feel such wonder, to know how he is, who he's with, does he have kids, is he with her the one that cause so much trouble between me and him, the one that i still have her picture... i hope he's happy... i remember the things we did, the obsession i had with that older guy... way older... the one that taught me everything and dressed me like a doll... the one that i thought i would spend the rest of my life with... i even skipped school for him... to go see him and spend the day before he went to work... and i going back home like i had gone back to school... funny how teens are when they are in love... the one who took me to my prom and got me drunk for the first time of bayleys... L'Esprit!! learing Salsa and Merengue... being under age and ending up in a discotheque and meeting my second boyfriend... my second i still keep in touch, mondo... i should call him to see how he is... dang, he seldom calls i bet he's pretty busy... i guess i dont call either, gonna try to see if i can get together this weekend or next. b-g's been in a pissy mood lately... so i leave him alone... i try to keep away... passed the day transplanting the last of the plants and watering them... i hate it when it rains sometimes as i have started to sweep the water from the balcony... or the balcony will get rusty... dang!! b-g passed the day out... tried to make bulgogi... the marinade was excellent... yum... made jasmine rice... my fave... watched the soaps but they arent so captivating anymore... they sorta suck... maybe in a few months they'll get better... its so freaken humid/hot... i hate that... its going to be hotter the next few days... the neighbors sorta peeped into our apt to see who we were... and how we looked... funny... but i did not acknowledge as they didnt either... stranger is a stranger no matter if he/she live next door... that sucks... should i start blogging in different languages i can try it... i am tired... this what i have done this evening/night...

You Are 30% Weird

Not enough to scare other people... But sometimes you scare yourself.
How Weird Are You?

so i have been browsing blogs once again and came upon this quiz here... his name: James Aaron Lindsey from TN where my late blog friend Lynn Carrier was from... and here are some other blogs that i read a bit:

- Cendrine in MTL, a blog mostly related about sex...
- Sara in Nevada... pretty funny blog...
- Chicken Fried Life... A batter-dipped and deep-fried view of life.
- Renee Heppleston in Mont-Laurie, QC... Le blog du sushi atomique, en français!
- Sue from Duncan, BC... The Chronicles of Sorsha Darkhorse, Tales of a Pop Culture Geek & Chef-in-Training.
- eclectic in the old good USA... Maybe I'm eclectic, or maybe it's just a short attention span..
- e-diote du village planétaire... en français!
- 1/4 tsunchih in london, tokyo, seoul or taipei
- Becka's Blog (Ohio), Rebecca aka Becka's on-line journal of a gurl.
- Tidestrife, Slackers club member's blog...
- italian living in Cali... 10 Things I Did Today.
- Bohemian Girl's Ramblings.. "And Yet, Life Goes On.."
- Morgan Wanaknow, in St. Cloud, Minnesota, US... The last geek.

found out what kind of bamboo i have (Lucky/Friendship Bamboo, Dracaena sanderana)...

i googled: 'CVS' and found 2 definitions: Cyclic Vomiting Syndrome and Computer Vision Syndrome

at apple trailers one movie caught my eyes... which right now gives me the creeps:
emily rose: in 1976, Anneliese Michel (said to be demonically possessed), an 18 yr old German college freshman, who died while being perform an exorsism (rituale romanum)... the priest was given a trial for the death of the young girl. the catholic religion acknowledge that there are people that could be demonically possess.

what i had... Sat. i made omellettes (shallots, green and red peppers, fresh herbs, mushrooms and cheese - kraft & swiss), hash browns w/ smokies and fresh herbs, and toast w/ EVOO (rachel ray says this all the time: extra virgin olive oil!)....

Sunday was BLTs... yum put the bacon in the broiler and let it cook... made the toast with some EVOO put some mayo, lettuce and tomatoe (spiced up) and voila the sandwich was made! also made a toast with kraft cheese, i use to eat that when i was a child it was the only thing i coulf cook really! heee... so, i mad half for me and half for b-g for him to try it... diner yester day was really good i made chinese spare ribs (honey garlic style)... cooked from 4:30m til 7pm... b-g came from the library yesterday and loved the ribs... heee...

monday and it started a bit hot! and with a little surprise on the side! b-g's dad called and he told his dad that i was visiting... i have to really think things in my life... if a 40 yrs old has to tell his father that his girlfriend is visiting, there's a big huge problem.... he's like i'll tell him... i dont have to hide that.. but the fact is that he already has said it... there is no turning back! yeah, his sisters know but he cowards down to his father... is that normal???? i have never experience such discomfort in my life... i really am in a bind with this... i keep hearing him say 'you are making such a big deal about what i said!' i think that its a big deal... how can he be so ignorant as to say that..

i guess i am realizing that he really is not committed to me or this relationship... my mother says i can just go an live in the US and make a life there... and it has been partially, more like 75%, been made to go be with my mom... i still have that 25% lingering thoughts in my head... aaahhh... the problems one has to deal with on an average day basis! freak!!! i really don't know what i want in life but with my mom i would have more of a stable life... but then there are the things that have transpire between me and her in the past which i am concern about... b-g is telling me that all the financial stuff [if i stay with him] is all taken care of and bla bla... but that is not want i am talking about... i expect more and i thought we were in a different level in our relationship!!! but i guess i was wrong!