So back from the world wind that I call my life... I think that my life is changing as time goes by. I will be going to a job interview on Monday @ 10am. Wish me luck! :) A bit nervous but all will be ok. If this works then I can get and my own place, next! Crossing my fingers so badly this works...

I have also thought so much these past few days about me, my life and what I want it to be. I think that all that is around needs to change but I want it fast and now! Not a very patient person sometimes specially when I want change NOW!

Spoken to my mom and she's at the present moment on vacation in Atlanta, GA. Lucky!!!

I have found 2 songs that I wish and will download soon, hopefully, by UVERworld: D-technolife (lyrics) and Colors of the Heart. TAKUYA∞, the vocalist, looks really cute on the first video I watched on youtube but on Chance and Just Melody he looks totally different. Not so cute... hee... But still...

I change my comments as Bloopy mentioned it to me on his comments. THX :) He has the coolest way of giving a Vodka gift to someone. Pretty special... A man with a alot of imagination! Heee... Also, showed me the cutest site ever cuteoverload.com. KAWAII!!!!

The days have passed pretty fast for me these few weeks. I got an email on the 24th about a job offer hopefully I get it. I put my cv on monster and I had just updated and then that happened! I am still looking fir a job and an apt. I will be moving out of my boyfriends house, its time to become independent. I been too selfish and wanting to just be bum! I have not been wanting to be with him any more. It's going to hurt him but I need to do this. I am no longer happy! I need more and with out him will be better.

so the day has been totale yucky! I been thinking that even though my nails look nice they are already driving me crazy. I can't seem to type properly! It takes me like for ever!

Nosthegame and me have been like sending mail back and forth is so great that we have some stuff in common... It's been great!

The confussion has started what todo?The heart is so foolish. I am playing a game that will end so wrong. What is wrong with my heart why is it that it likes pain like a drug! I try to stop and then the freaken thing doesn't give a damn if the cause is so freaken wrong! I have stepped into a bitty little world that will make me happy for like a millisecond and then plunge me into despair for a long time! AAAhhhh what a tangled web I have started to weave!

Been exercising like a mad woman and have ended up with 9.7lbs out of my frame. 45lbs to go and I will be totally happy. Bought my bike for the summer. I love my new bike is so cute, its yummy green and silver.

Eating like a bird and like often. Have left most but not all sweets behind.

Went to get my nails down today. Theylook amazing. The girl was totally sweet! We had a pleasant conversation. Talked about men and why they sometimes are such asses... Heee... Walked from there home. Stopped at the store for cigs and the guy was like: 'Mademoiselle, you know that you have to be 18 to buy cigarrettes.' I was like I'm 33!!! He looked at me and said 'Is in't so lucky to look so young!' I just laughed and thanked him. Totally FUNNY!

That happens from time to time. Why can't men see I look/am 33! CRAP! Yes, most women want to look younger I on the other hand never liked that! I guess that's crazy on my part.

What ever!?

I wanted to go today to go see the powerbook but there was no time. Probably will go Thursday. As tomorrow I will go and see someone.

Also, called my cell carrier to get another phone connected. The Razr v3i for my friend. It cost me like nothing cuz of my account $$.... It's really nice. But I just finished calling again because I wanted to change it to black it looks like totally nicer! And the phone I ordered was the wrong one [Razr v3] that the sales guy put on my invoice. The one I want is w/ mp3s which is the V3i. He had the one without it on my account order... Now the order was cancelled and now I'm waiting for his call. Great!!!! The waiting game has started....

He’s soft to the touch
But afraid at the end he breaks
He’s never enough
And still leaves more than I can take
Oh when I don’t know
I don’t know what he’s after
But he’s so beautiful
Such a beautiful disaster
And if I could hold on
Through the tears and the laughter
Would it be beautiful?
Or just a beautiful disaster

It's hard for you
When your heart has opened up to feelings that you never knew
Never thinking that you'd doubt our love you don't know what to do
I'd give anything, my heart, my soul if i could pull you through

And will your arms still hold me
And your eyes console me?

I’m sitting here alone up in my room
And thinking about the times that we’ve been through (oh my love)
I’m looking at a picture in my hand
Trying my best to understand
I really wanna know what we did wrong
With the love that felt so strong
If only you were here tonight
I know that we could make it right

How was I to know I’d miss you so?
Loneliness up ahead,
Emptiness behind
Where do I go?

Although love is a kind of duty, in giving it, give it completely
Sometimes love's beauty has no way of lasting forever
Love can enrapture you just as much as it can hurt you
If you've bravely loved, then you should bravely leave

But it's time to face the truth,
I will never be with you.

some times things bring you full circle. I have been really thinking all sorts things don't make sense.

Friday was a night that we had a fight. I ended up leaving and coming back Sunday night. The weekend went well... I forgot to call Mondo back, hope he forgives me. But I know he will. I am terribly tired but had a wonderful time. Met the roommates, Japanese girl [the same age as me] and the French guy [a travel agent, who's gone alot to the East]. We talked and had fun!

Didn't eat much as my appetite was cut by the fight and all the surrounding problems that we keep having. I walked for about 2hrs on Fri., Nori was a great companion. Very understanding which was great!

The only thing was I couldn't take a shower in someone else's house which made my hair so dirty. So, ended up taking one when I came back.

Went for a walk to the post office to check for mail. Got my PS2 game iNinja! Will be playing it this evening. The walk was good, we had a good time B-G and me. Went to Tim Horton's to get an Butter Caramel Ice Cappuccino! It was great. I have blisters from Friday. One started to act up near home. Which was good a 1hr 15min walk!

Checked my emails and got updated all my stuff... Listening to music!

Scars (SL - madarin)
The night is deep already; who is it that has
Let you awake like this to count the scars?
Why do you want to leave a light on just before you go to sleep?
If you're not willing to say, then I won't ask

Only now, you have no choice but to admit
Love is sometimes a kind of degradation
Disappointing people, although that is love itself
But don't do that just because you are a woman!

If you love deeply, then it won't be able to balance
For the trouble of sentiment, you've harassed your soul
Love the ones you should love, hate the ones you should hate
You should leave some love for yourself

A woman's only naivety and talent of gentleness
Should be saved for the one who truly loves you
It doesn't matter how bitter or difficult the future is
You'll have him by your side the whole time

Although love is a kind of duty, in giving it, give it completely
Sometimes love's beauty has no way of lasting forever
Love can enrapture you just as much as it can hurt you
If you've bravely loved, then you should bravely leave

Music makes me happy or sad... But it's great either way! I love it! I just need to master Japanese to understand the meaning of the songs I love... I can get the translation but I want to personally get it! Right!

I been in a thinking mode for the past few days... I want to so much to do something that is so very wrong but I am totally confused and fucked if I do... I don't want to loose everything I have worked so hard to get... I am really in a desperate situation, what to do, aaarrrgghhh. I cannot talk about this to anyone, I just can't! I have tried to analyse it myself but I am stupid and think that I am the worst person to make the decision, right... Crap!

Like the song says...

I always said that I would make mistakes,
I'm only human, and that’s my saving grace,
I fall as hard as I try
So don't be blinded
See me as I really am, I have flaws and sometimes I even sin,
so pull me from that pedestal,
I don't belong there.

Let's see what happens right!

Itsumo no shisen ni kimi ga ite kokyuu ga dekiru
Boku ni totte nara Sore dake de
Mou Juubun na hazu na no ni

Chippoke na boku wa kurikaesu ayamachi bakari
Dorehodo tsuyosa wo te ni shitara
Nani mo kizutsukezu sumu no?

Mayowazu ni Kono ai wo shinji ikiteyuku
Fusagaranu kizuguchi mo gyu'tto dakishimete

Futari wa aruki-tsuzukeru Ato ni wa modorenai kara
Ima demo kono mune no oku Kesenai tsumi wa itamu kedo
DARLING

Ano hi ushinatta aijou ni setsunasa wo oboe
Boku wa senmei na kono sora no aosa ni sukoshi tomadotte

Tatoe moshi nani ga gisei demo Tada hitotsu shinjita
Kimi no massugu na me ni utsuru setsuna ni saita hana no iro

Muryoku demo kono sadame Tsuyoku ikiteyuku
Te wo musubu taion wa zutto tokeatte
Dattara issou no koto seotta batsu nara tsurakute mo

Moshi tatoe kimi to kono mama
Sekai no nami ni sakarau dake da to shite mo...

Mayowazu ni Kono ai wo shinji ikiteyuku
Fusagaranu kizuguchi mo gyu'tto dakishimete

Mayowazu ni kono sadame Ikiru ikiteyuku
Kimi to nara eien mo kitto tsunagatte
Futari de tada mae wo mite dou ni mo naranakutatte
Soredemo kanarazu kimi wo kono te de mamori-tsuzukeru

DARLING

by Haley J Scott [One Tree Hill]

Verse 1
I never promised you a ray of light,
I never promised there'd be sunshine everyday,
I gave you everything I have, the good, the bad.
Why do you put me on a pedestal,
I'm so up high that I can't see the ground below,
So help me down you've got it wrong, I don't belong there.

Chorus
One thing is clear,
I wear a halo,
I wear a halo when you look at me,
But standing from here, you wouldn't say so
you wouldn't say so, if you were me
And I, I just wanna love you,
Oh oh I, I just wanna love you

Verse 2
I always said that I would make mistakes,
I'm only human, and that’s my saving grace,
I fall as hard as I try
So don't be blinded
See me as I really am, I have flaws and sometimes I even sin,
so pull me from that pedestal,
I don't belong there.

Chorus
One thing is clear,
I wear a halo,
I wear a halo when you look at me,
But standing from here, you wouldn't say so
you wouldn't say so, if you were me
And I, I just wanna love you,
Oh oh I, I just wanna love you

Why you think that you know me
But In your eyes
I am something above you
It’s only in your mind
Only in your mind
I wear a
I wear a
I wear a Halo

One thing is clear,
I wear a halo,
I wear a halo when you look at me,
But standing from here, you wouldn't say so
you wouldn't say so, if you were me
And I, I just wanna love you,
Oh oh I, I just wanna love you

Haaaa ha-ha halo(x9)