the week was icky and yucky with the wind, snow, sluch, rain, icy rain, and me almost quitting! Ah!! did i forget that b-g and i broke up too! yep, we did! i had enough i dont want to spend my life in a useless relationship. want i want he cannot provide. oh! well next?! x-mas alone again but satisfied with my decision! i dont have regrets. i will calm down and see what happens but i will just lay low and just concerate on work...

on that thought todays was a feast for kings! we had our gift exchange/potluck thing which turned out amazing... i stayed up yesterday night til the early hrs of the morning trying to wrap the goddam present, like a dumb ass i had to many ideas on my freaken mind!!! dumb ass chick that i am!!!

need to say that i have been debating the fact of quitting at my present job, i cannot stand the people some times... it goes from hot to luke warm to freaken freezing in that office. i have mood swings but these people get upset at anyone who will take their shit! and well, cuz i am new i am the one to get bashed at! the chick who trained me... she got into a huff-puff shit with someone and well she took it out on me. i just ignored her all day and did my work. i thought about calling my mom and "saying ok packing my shit and moving down south with you, back to the USA"...

but then i realize i need to speak out i need to stand up and say something. so the conversation was with the regular people that i work with. i said it in a matter of fact not to point fingers:

"if anyone has a beef with anyone it would be appreciated if they deal with the person that they are upset instead of bashing the wrong person. and while on that subject if you have something to say to anyone say it to their face instead of either whispering it, like we all know what you are saying or going to the boss and taddle-telling like a 5 yr old. please people this is an office not a kindergarten class...

i loved myself... so i ended it and went back to work...

i just think people take the new girl for granted...

dont you??? heeee ^_^

the week has gone by and i have concluded that it was a dissaster. i dont know but i get the feeling of not wanting to go to work and my days are getting really long. could it be the routine has set in and i am once again bored at my job. the peeps are ok some of the time. i guess. it rained cats and dogs on thursday. i went to a restaurant to celebrate someones b-day. man did they pose a million questions... shit, i have nothing to hide and so i told. who cares i dreally dont give a damn what they think. as long as i am happy in my own skin. so anyways, i took some pictures they all look dorky as they all got taken at inapropriate times. they are at my fotopages.

friday was the x-mas party. i felt i didnt want to go as i started to feel dizzy and nauseau. put a brave front for a while but as i got into the place i really felt not like socializing at all. i sat in a corner and called b-g for 15 min. i had tried since 5pm and it was 6.30pm he had not gotten back to me. i wonder what was up. i hate that he has a pager instead of a cell. i have tried my darnest but i think that will be my x-mas gift for him. lets see if he can live with out it when he has it for a few months. ha! betcha he cant! hooking him to technology! yep, that is the thing! i hate that i was feeling so shitty. would have loved to stay and mingle. i think they thought either i was a total snob or a really shy person. ooh well, i guess i really dont care. we'll see what happens monday morning for now i am taking it easy and just updating my blog and my fotopage.

been reading my morning blogs this morning... OLDCATMAN has given me a small present... i love it... i think he knows my likes....he... Keanu!!! yummy baby! OLDCATMAN thank you very much for the thought. ^_^

ms.taz has moved to www.tasberry.com at movable type as of the 6th of December. Pretty nice place!!! visit her even though ... anyways, she's a nice lady.

Demi, Rieke, Gale (aka anonymous girl) and OLDCATMAN have been really nice people... thank you for that. Lynn thanks for the wonderful christmas card! ^_^







pppssstt.... Demi, has her own fotopage... if you haven't yet go visit her and OLDMANCAT has his own fotopage, too... heeee...

laterzzz...

well i get up today at b-g house and came at around 7am back to my place to get ready. i had to change to go to work. work has been tiring but fun. i guess the chickens are getting up with me or maybe is the other way around right mondo? anyways, so i get home call mondo and chat it up for a bit he had a blast this weekend that man can party his bro went home early as he has a child and as mondo put it your life changes once you have a child... ok so then i hang up with him and then due to a minor collapse of a brain cell i call my x-J which is not a good idea but i said what the hell not so i speak to him. he sounds likeoooh you still in love with me... but im married i have moved on and throws it in my face that i am not living at home... bla bla bla... what ever. he nutzo jobso... i cant believe i had some sort of feeling for this wack job. see what youth does it blinds you... stupid! yes it does. dont get me wrong i dont mean to be mean but please its been 2yrs and i have moved on with my life. plus i came clean with him. told him that all the 6yrs i was with him i cheated. i wanted to releave the burden of my shoulders. so, i came out and told him that b-g had been around for a while he was my f$%^-friend when he had to go home to his mommy and daddy... and that the last 2 yrs i had someone else and when we ended it i was still with him. ben is out since last yr anyways, now it's b-g and with this one i dont have the itch to cheat. x-J gave me the itch i dont know but i had never cheated on any one since him. i guess he was not the right one. and my mind was trying to tell me while i cheated on him.. true! no lies here. so the secrets come out. i needed to bla this before i do my freaken month of catch up time... freak its going to be long but i will keep it as short as i can. here goes nothing:

the official 1st day "OCT 29"
So, I wake up at 6:15am. took a shower 45 min. got ready.. didnt know what to wear and thought... "need to go shopping." as i am a shop-aholic #1!!! left at 7.15am took the metro to charlesvoix way. got in at 8.15am but took a cab (which cost me $5, down the drain). that 107 bus, i was scared to be late so, tomorrow i'll leave earlier. all day i've been training on the billing... learned 2 new ways. signed the papers that V_P_M gave me. took an hour lunch at 1pm. my comp was set but no log in, yet or phone. maybe tomorrwo. we'll see!?! called b-g but hasnt return my call. mom, emily and someone private (i imagine is architect_J) called me? oh well...

???? no date
it's been a while now but things have bee hectic. i have had to be in an intensive training for the past few days. work is ok, i guess but i have mixed emotions on the people who work here. there is... i cant explain it but a back-stabbing b/s in this place. i mean some have no class. but i will concentrate on the positive side of things and the people hav a few whxih i already like...
bee... i like she's sweet and nice
c_bubble... is nice but has a corky side
r_alert... is 1/2 and 1/2 mixed emotions on her...
V_quiet... what can i say, thinks things
j.. is in round land "baby-carrier"
m_head... she's sweet and has kitty kitty
l & c ... work together, sweet and nice but kinda in their own worlds... yep
a... is in the fron of the battle field
t... is let's just say that she's in her own little la la la land...

???? yet another no date
today was "fishy-time" conference... even a book was given... "fish" by s.c lundin, h. paul and j. christensen... went from a11 am to 12.45pm which was ok... AY is ok but scares me a bit... i see that if b-g meets her, they may somewhat match but nah!!! as they are both from the same culture, you never know.i guess i'm a jealous, even if it's just in my head. can i be a bit paranoid. i think that things are ok for now but need to see if something better can come out of the horizon. let's see if its worth it. getting all this info into me, with a tremendously low pay. less then what i made in IPG dang... i guess i can come with it for now!

11/11/03
today i came in (8am) early which i will not be leaving untile 5pm. b-g drove me. he was like ur going to work early. i was like , yeah so?? i came in and my b calls me for a meeting and well spent 1hr almost discusing what i had been doing for the past 2 weeks. it seems that i have been branded a "talker" and may be a perfectionist/ "cry baby" or pushy what ever you call it. i came in with a sad attitude. i think that if you spend 75% of your life in a place where you hait it, then you should figure out if that is what you really want to be doing in your life. i have to think......... i always do that ... say it but never really take my own advise. my life is some what happy but i think that it could be better. yes! do i see myself in this place.. breathin and experiencing??? now, things get worse for me. everything is upside down. i feel upside down. i wish things could be easier, happier, nicer, prettier, i am a dreamer. i that is what i am, i know i dont belong here. yep, this is mymind crazy and always hthinking, of things. memories, thoughts, anticipations, and everything else in between. i am sor of nervous because i have given some thing that has been kept personal for always. yes, i share it with strangers but rarely with one's i know. why is that?????

11/13/03
woke up.. had a romp in the hay... it felt wonderful.. pleasure make u extremely happy and nutty. b-g drove me to the bus stop (renelevesque and peel). it was windy as hell. froze myself for 5-10 min 107 bus came. met v_quiet and walked together to wrok. she's in the same dept. as me. in fact she sits in fron of me as no cubicle separator is in front of our desks exists. hee... the day has been "billing" what else is new... that is my job dah!!! bought my slef a kitty broach and got my mom and ankle bracelet i know she likes them... heee... but may send it to b-g sister i'll see. who gets it... i may even keep it.. we'll see... havent gone back home in a while. bad girl that i am!!! b-g's getting good at his dirty talk strategy. heee... im going to his house tonight by metro and then walking. i guess he'll be otherwise engaged. more like studying, which hopefully he gets to 100% good in his trauma conference that starts next week. well, he said the 16th but it mayb e 17th he works all w/end, poor guy. he has added up his 3 jobs and found out that he workds 23 days out of the month these are not the 9-5 ones... more like overnights and 10-14 hrs long... which suck and make him extremly tired. poor baby... he always needs TLC always and i am here to give it... well, all i can say is that i work 20 days out the month. we need to talk that is all i can say. let's see what the afternoon is like. the afternoon flew. went to b-g's place . washed dishes and ate-left-overs. he's so stressed out of his skull. too much work. crazy!! he was tired and grumpy. we ended falling asleep at 10.15pm.

11/14/03
woke, took a shower. had cereal "graham" my fav.b-g had a coffee. i got ready. spend a few min in front of the puter. i read oldcatman, AWG, taz, and demi. was about 10 min. late. didnt like that one bit...and on top of it i had to run like a crazy across the street. to get to work ..mr. b-g was lazy to turn the car near the door to my work. no, lie it was because the light hadnt turngreen. or else i would have been another 2-3 min late. only the recep anne c _blondie saw me come in. but my whole dept kenw. miss v_quiet was there already. got all my stuff done did some splitting. maybe custom will start today. let's see what the afternoon brings. ooohhh... its friday did i mention that... yep weeken time... laterzzz..

11/18/03
so... i woke up today and well... i hadnt slept that good as b-g came at 4am from the hospital. he works the freaken grave yard shifts. sucks!!! i try to ask him to change but "we'll see" are his words. i've been at his place now for 2wks and i havent gone to my place. shit! atleast i got in contact with mondo! whichrocks!!! i sit here and wait for the metro... to get going seems the winter is here the suicides are back.... here in good old montreal the young or depressed throw themselveson to the uncoming metros/trains. crazy!! the regular stuff... of winter... work was ok all the girls except bee n me stayed, went to a meeting at the conference room for the new traffic sheets that will be done good now instead of all crazy and messy. i didng do much work didnt feel like it. oh! j_babycarrier is gone off to her maternity leave for 1 yr. trying to learn the stuff as fast i can. only 3 wks and well i still need more triaining on the customs billing. havent blogged in a long while. all my writing has been on paper i think i have about 10 days since my 1st official day (29th oct). i started on the 28th at noon. it was ok. the peeps were nice but wewent thorugh some what termoil days. dang!! it's 6.30pm and im still on the freaken metro they say it will take another few minutes... oooh we're going now. and we also are having a bus/metro strike since monday. but they will prolong the metro until 7.30 pm for tonights delay. as the metro only runs : 6.30amd - 9am, 3pm - 6.30 pm, 11pm-2am and not in the weekend. schedule will be forthis week! yikes i guess i will not be going anywhere with b-g. as he has a car. i want to go to the gym!! i feel like going but i need to find one which will be good for me. i need to release some stress... dang!!

11/19/03 - 11/31/02
have been reading the blogs of some of my regulars. but havent wrote squat on all those days... nothing much went on except for work and more work. time spend with b-g which was nice. only sat 29 was cool went to emily's son's b-day gave him money and got my anime back from her younger son. they all got to meet b-g which was so cool! we got invited for christmas on the 25th. which is great! bought some stuff from emily as she is selling avon. the kids jamie and jarette are great... they are so cute. they are brother and sister and jamie is 3 and jarrette is 4. he says im his girlfriend. he's taking a liking to me. i have taken so much pictures i havent even uploaded them to my puter. dang need to do that.... one of these days!! yep!!!

12/03/03 - 12/05/03
still at b-g need to go home friday. ended up at home. my place is a mess.. i got in b-g case. i was truly mean. and i guess i should stop that but i need toget my way i havent changed on that specific spot of my life need to stop that... shit!! dang. rented a movie...“View From the Top” with gweneth paltrow, who is expecting and got married in real life... dang... the movie was ok.. i didnt like it that much zappy is all i can say!

12/06/03 - 12/08-02
the weekend was spend cleaning. sunday was dimsum yum! spend 4hrs with b-g he had to go but before we went to the gym "fit 4 life" to register 2 for 1 for a yr at $ 299.99. work was calling and he wanted to take a nap before his over night shift at the childrens... dang.... i just watched tv. and slept pretty late 10.30pm
monday was ok... back to work.. was bit off with one of my co-workers at the end of the day. wished her a good weekend it will be a long one i can feel it...

so this has been the past month.... bla bla... hope i can atleast blog for a few min after work. i need to get into a routine... dang, missed my session with the guy yesterday... too tired... b-g re-scheduled it for me for Sat at 5pm. which is good as he works that Fri overnight at the general. and my work party is this friday... the 12th... dang and the 19th is the exchange gift/potluck... what should i bring... that is whats on my mind! dang!!! ok so now i need to go to bed its 8.39pm i have been on the writing frenzy for the past 2hrs dang!!! done

LATERZZZ......