I am happy for now, the is the truth. What with the new apt on the way. I am still looking for a job and well things been quite good, but my heart is still spinning. Why is it that every time I am happy I feel guilty? I think of the worst and hardest things in life. I want to scream and I want to laugh all in one. My thinking has gone on a sleeping mode and when it wakes it's total happiness... I feeling that is so awkward to my senses... How can I say things that cannot be put into words. My life has changed and well things are not quite easy but they are quite happy. Some might say its a temporary thing but I hope is not!

In other matters my bro is back from Japan. Yep, he is doing his thing now. I talked to him finally and he's fine. I guess the experience was quite good but he's now out and happy. The only thing is now he has other set backs in his life for his future I mean. As he dropped out of the Marines and now he is a washout sort of,but I am happy that he is not risking his life and he can have a normal one of that. On the 14th he's of to Chicago for an interview for a job. Which is great! I wish him all the luck in the world.

Been smoking like a chimney, need to quit but hey it keeps be off much much much food... I am quite ok with it for now. I know cancer lurks in the background but that's ok!

That's about it for now....

Dime por qué lloras
De felicidad
Y por qué te ahogas
Por la soledad
Di por qué me tomas, fuerte así,
mis manos, y tus pensamientos te van llevando

Yo te quiero tanto
Y por qué será
Loco testarudo, no lo dudes más,
aunque en el futuro haya un muro enorme,
yo no tengo miedo, quiero enamorarme.

No me ames, porque pienses que
parezco diferente
Tú no piensas que es lo justo,
ver pasar el tiempo juntos
No me ames, que comprendo,
la mentira que sería.
Si tu amor no merezco, no me ames,
mas quédate otro día

No me ames, porque estoy perdido,
porque cambié el mundo, porque es el
destino, porque no se puede, somos un espejo,
Y tú así serías lo que yo
de mí reflejo
No me ames, para estar muriendo,
dentro de una guerra llena de
arrepentimientos, no me ames para estar
en tierra, quiero alzar el
vuelo, con
tu gran amor por el azul del cielo
No sé qué decirte, esa es la verdad,
si la gente quiere, sabe lastimar
Tú y yo partiremos, ellos no se mueven,
pero en este cielo sola no me dejes

No me dejes, no me dejes, no me escuches,
si te digo "no me ames".
No me dejes, no desarmes,
mi corazón con ese "no me ames"
No me ames, te lo ruego, mi amargura, dèjame
Sabes bien, que no puedo, que es inútil,
que siempre te amaré

No me ames, pues te haré sufrir con este
corazòn que se llenó de mil inviernos
No me ames, para así olvidarte de tus días grises, quiero que me ames
sólo por amarme
No me ames, tú y yo volaremos,
uno con el otro y seguiremos siempre juntos
Este amor es como el sol que sale tras de la tormenta
Como dos cometas en la misma estela

so the last few days been sort of an eye opening. I send bum an email but no reply... I got some things I need to work on. I thank all the people who send their best wishes. been out of the net for a while. my grandmother is dying and I been so sad. I did the most stupid thing and now I'm paying for it. I have turn my life upside down and crap! I needt to fix it. I also, have quit my job and I'm in the process of getting a new one. I knew it was too good to be true. I now need to really think and not take the first job that is offered to me. They were just wanting too much out of me. I felt that I was being used. I got was being trained in like 3 different dept because I heard that they didnt want to hire more then one and alot of the work was being dumped on me. I was so stressed, even stayed late a few time just to help out. The apt is not ready to move in yet. maybe by the end of next week it will happened. The lease is signed and sealed so that I am not worried about. The search for a job continues.......

So the good news is got the job! It was my first interview in like 2yrs. Went to 2 and the first wanted me... Funny! Started today! pretty fun and all... And got an apt yesterday, signed the lease and all! It's really near my work, which I guess is great! 10-15 min away...
Been really thinkings tuff and wll life takes you in such a different direction that you expected. I thought my life was set and then something happened and all turned upside down, I guess for the good but still do miss my old life... Miss the comfort of it... Yeah, lazy me trying to analyse what shitty life I had for like 2 yrs. Well, it wasn't that bad, could have made it work, right Mondo? Heee... I really had it good! Everything in my life was taken care of but then I gave up alot to have it that way, and I guess I am better off. I am truly scared but maybe this one will be good and happy. Shit what the fuck!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm so freaken lame...
Nothing else has been happening... I've been lazy at reading peeps blogs... Need to catch up and all... Haven't really checked emails or nothing... Freak, been totally out of the loop of the net... Although, I miss it, I tend to go in and out of that world... I want so much to be able to do alot but crap it's all coming in slow now. Specially now with work and a new place, freak will be waiting for like 2-3 wks on that. My pad is totally sweet! I love it! Eventually, will now feel more like home then were I was before. Finally my OWN PLACE!!!!!!!!!!! About fuckin' time right!!!

Crap I've sworn so much on this. Sorry about it!