Headed to the US for the shopping! Went to the info desk and got us a map of the city and talk to the lady for a while to tell us what's good in town... Then just looked at the make for a while and drove around... Saw the lake and went shopping as we didn't have a lot of time....

Bought some Hungry Jack pancake mix and a lot of flavor coffee mate creamers powder form and a couple of liquid form! Body pillow and paper towels! Ate at Ponderosa! Was ok... Dang, so much food! couldn't eat all, they even have an all you can eat buffet for and extra few $ with the meal. That's just crazy! B-G took the buffet which he only went to get salad, macaroni and a dessert.

We were on our way! Listen to music and had fun!

How pathetic is this as I listen to this song [My Girl soundtrack - K-drama - track 5] I remember us and it hurts to the core... Why is it that I still feel... saranghe... I hate it,,, these feelings of a lost love... I want to forget and never think of it but its impossible. Why? Was or am I that bad of a person to suffer like this. I want to know when it will disappear from my heart. a wound has been left and I can't seem to close it. When will it become a scar, like the rest. Was it that special. The song vibrates through my body and my tears fall so easily. I cannot stand it any more. I want to scream so loud that I loose my voice. I wish to rid of it. I want it gone. Why so much memories. Can I get a memory transplant. I rather have the memories of someone else and never have mine. I sleep and I seem to walk in a dream through this this world. I have not thought of this before and its costing me my well being now. I want it gone.

I feel like I am drowning in a vast sea... I have to get my self out of this pit of darkness and live. Why cant I do that? What prevents me from being happy? I ruined such a good thing. I seem to ruin things when they are good and finally find happiness. I feel that I don't deserve it, so I guess that is why I'm in such a place now. I have done so many mistakes when am I going to stop and listen to my heart. Why do I do the things I do? Why?

comment I wanted to leave:
why not get info from peeps. if your clean you have nothing to hide, right. by obtaining info of predators who lurk behind the clean and deceptive image of being a good human being.... i give up my rights to take down all the evil that possess these awful peeps. never think that the person beside you is a good one because then you are being naive. everyone says we have rights but the only thing we have is the right to be selfish and deceitful. we may be at the top of the chain of the pyramid but we are the worst of the worst... we kill, exploit and devour our own young, we are not better then animals. if you think that by keeping all your private data out of the mainstream data bases is the thing to do then think if you or anyone you care about would be in danger and the only way to find you or your love one is getting the information from these places, wouldn't you want the people looking for you to have every piece of data that could lead them to find the person/s or yourself. what about when it comes down to a life what do you perceive privacy laws to do in that? remember that the law doesn't protect only the innocent but the guilty, too.

I agree that corporations are out there to make the money and exploit us anyway they can. this would be a great way of doing it as to what we like and dislike but also think of the big picture. how about the predators that are around the net getting to innocent children/people. what are we to do? Just sit and say privacy is worth more then a life. is that how society thinks. i am sorry but this really gets me angry. do i make sense maybe not to some or anyone at all but i really regret being born to a humanity that puts profit before a life....

what are you afraid of?
why not get info from peeps. if your clean you have nothing to hide, right.

I agree that corporations are out there to make the money and exploit us anyway they can. this would be a great way of knowing what we like and dislike but also think of the big picture. how about the predators that are out there on the net getting to innocent children/people. what are we to do?

So woke up by the sound of Katsu's phone call... I told him that I would be down in 5min but it didn't happened as I needed to take a shower... Yah!! My last shower in Japan which was sort of fast but still good... Got dressed and called him to come and help me pack all the boxes... In total it came to 4 boxes which cost like 89,900yen. Almost $950CAD. I took it to NEKO-transport! And did the paperwork for the last box there... After went to Jusco but the floor where all the toys were was under construct8ion. It was like a maze, totally funny! We asked and the lady said they were remodeling so no one could buy toys. She recommended the other store which was close to the shinkansen train station - tsudanuma-bashi!

Ended up buying some stuff and well it was raining and the bag the lady gave us was paper. Got wet and it sort of crumbled. Katsu when to get a plastic one... Also, he kind of cheesed me off as he went the wrong way. Not that he went the wrong way but just through the outside and it was raining and my takoyaki machine box got wet. Hope the machine works or else I will be really be angry but Katsu bought it for me so, I guess but still... Such a nice man!

So, I was sort of happy to have gone out of the hotel and I said bye to the receptionists... Went to the post office to take out money and headed to do the shopping thing!! Bought some stuff and was really happy with all my purchases. Didn't have enough money so Katsu kinda fronted me some and told him I would send him the money he lent me...

Headed to Shin Tsudanuma... Waited a little bit and got into the train... Rode for about 25-30 minutes... Once we got to the airport headed to eat sushi, my last meal in Japan and some sake which made me a little bit tipsy but all good... Went to the nearest souvenir shop and got some stuff for B-G's nieces and nephew. Got 2 cute umbrellas that Katsu bought as a gift of farewell... Got inline for baggage check. they passed it and asked me to take out the lighter gave it to Katsu... Then headed to the ticket booth and remember that I needed to take out the pillow so the ticket girl went with me again to pass the bag over the x-ray machine after I took out the pillow. Then we headed back to the booth where my stuff was checked in and was happy to walk around with out it... We headed to the mall but didn't have much time so just kinda looked a bit and then headed to the gate. Last minute I forgot to give Katsu his phone but he remember and was able to give it to him. The 15hr ride was not so comfy but not that bad... Slept, watched some movies and then slept some more. The food was ok. A Japanese business man sat next to me. We shared our food and it was a good trip. He headed to his business meeting once he got to Seattle... I headed to take my flight to Alberta... Waited a while... I was kind of surprise of all the people that were taking that flight.... It was a small plane but it was full!

The ride was easy and not too bad... A very large man sat next to me which he kinda took some of my space but it was ok.... The stewardess grabbed my hand, which I found a bit surprising, and loved my nails. He even said to the other to take a look and asked me all sorts of questions... Where, when, how, why? I explained and they were really interested on what I was saying. I kind of felt in the spotlight and made me nervous as some of the other passengers were staring at us... I just said thank you.

Once I got to customs, I felt the jet lag.... As I stared which of the agents was going to be questioning me. I decided I wanted the Asian guy. But to my bad luck he turned out to be an ass... He was really mean.... He treated me like a child... I went to pay my taxes for the bulk of my stuff and asked the other agent there, a blond lady, what was wrong with the agent. She asked me which one was the one that gave me a hard time and I explain what I was thinking and my situation. I was jet lagged, he treated me like a child and over explained himself with a very rude/authority manner that I had never experienced before. I thanked her and went to wait for my luggage to come around the bend. Once there.... I saw the stewardess and they stopped me and asked me more questions and I answered them. As I was saying goodbye to them another agent popped himself in front of me. I got a bit nervous thinking they thought I was carrying something illegal or that I looked suspicious which scared me. But in turn the agent asked if I could talk to him about the situation that I had just experienced. I said sure. He put an agent to guard my stuff, while I went into his office and explain the situation. So, he asked me that he was the supervisor and that he wants all Canadian Citizens to feel protected not scared of his agents. I went onto explain and then he asked me to write it. He gave me his card and went with me to get cleared... I thanked him and said my goodbye's... I passed through the doors and B-G was waiting for me.... He was happy and sad looking... We walked and talked.... It was sunny and hot....

We stayed at his sisters house.... With the girls.... It was fun...

Woke up at 7:35am (I could not sleep as I swear I heard a voice say either 'back' or 'pack', I turned the TV and slept that way)... took a shower and watched TV... I packed and then headed downstairs. While going to the elevator an older couple from England went down with me.. I asked them if they were from England and they said yes...

I checked out and made my way to Shin-Kobe... I sat a little at the park before leaving and then headed to the station. Waited about 1hr30min for the train.


Received a Skype message from Seiki yesterday that he still hadn't picked up his gift... What an ass... Whatever, I ignored him! I was kind of upset and didn't want to talk to him or I would say something bad to him...

I am now in the train... It's 11:17am... I arrive at Tokyo at 1:43pm where Katsu will meet me. Hopefully without my baggage... Heee...

Went to bed quite late and got up around 11am... I watched tv all day... Didn't eat anything... I stayed in the hotel all day... I received email from Miho and Etsu... Excused myself for leaving so suddenly..

Just watched TV all day, took a shower and smoked a lot... Couldn't get in contact with B-G... Send email to see what was going on.

Nothing much...

Woke up at 10am... Took a shower and then headed to meet Etsu and Jeff... I got there a bit early... Waited... Then Etsu called telling me they would be 1/2 hr late...

I tried going to the bathroom but didn't go as it was a floor one and in no way was I going to do my biz in that position... Headed out and waited outside. Had a cig.

The finally arrived in the green bus... I got on... I made my way to where they were sitting... The bus was full...

We got off at Chinatown and ate in a Chinese restaurant. The food was chosen by Etsu... We had ground beef with lettuce wraps, Cantonese noodles and I chose tempura... We all shared our food!

We headed out and walked to the pier... We went up the red tower and took some pictures... Then headed a bit down to the cafe. Etsu and I had a cold latte and Jeff had melon soda...

While walking I saw a pastry shop and decided that it would be nice to buy dessert to bring to the house.

We headed to Etsu's home... Jeff took pictures of where Etsu works and then in front of his home...

We went in Miho was preparing Okinomiyaki.... Etsu showed us his home and the 3rd floor where he had renovated and had only taken 1 month for the renovations to be made. It was really narrow and the stairs really scared me, very steep...

Then we went down and had some juice... We made our way to the living/dining room. I stared to watch tv and they all started to talk. I wanted to watch the showroom so I ignored all that was around me. Then the food was ready and Sayaka came in... I didn't really see her... They all ate at the table and I ate on the couch. Started to feel uncomfortable and then noticed that it was getting dark outside so decided to head back to the hotel. I said my goodbyes and headed out...

It was a bit difficult but once I figured out how to get to get to Shin-Kobe I made my way... I stopped at Yoshinoya's for food and headed to the hotel where I took a shower and watched TV... Emailed... Put the 'No Disturb' sign for tomorrow morning.

Got up around 9am took a shower. Miho and Ayaka were waiting for me at 10:45am, they waited for me about 15 min. When I got to the lobby I saw the bag which I recognized and asked where Miho was (toilet). We waited for her and then headed upstairs to leave my things that Etsu had been storing for me. Then we headed to sightsee for about 3hrs or so. IT was fun. I spoke to Miho not much to Ayaka as she didn't speak too much English.

Went to eat at a restaurant, the food was ok... Ayaka played basketball which she was really good... Then headed to the mall and ate a crepe ice cream... and headed to see the Takoyaki makers... I am probably gonna get one.

Then they had to go and I said my goodbye's. Miho told me that Etsu will meet me at Shin-Kobe around 11:45am, March 31st with Jeff a 20yr old guy who was studying at the University in Osaka, for 1 semester (4 months).

I made my way to the hotel and stopped at Yoshinoya to get some food. Ate in my room and watched TV. Read emails. B-G's in Alberta visiting his dad, who's going through Chemotherapy... Sad and hoping they are all doing fine... I hope he's dad passes through this with flying colors... Crossing my fingers and praying!

I took a shower and headed to bed...

Got up around 8am... Took a shower and went out with Yohie and the kids. We went to the delivery service which took about 1hr and found out the information. Yoshie will mail the package on April 3oth, for me. I left her money for it. Then we went to eat Okinomiyaki... It was really good. I took the special which had everything and had an ice cream which Hanoka and Hayato had too...

We went back to her house and picked up my stuff. Hanoka was staying behind as she was meeting her friends. I said good bye to her and then Yoshie, Hayato and I headed to the museum. Where I took pictures and then ran out of room which as always too many picture taking. It was fun. Hayato kept stamping my paper when we headed to each section of the museum.

We went to the playroom and play a really fun game... Hayato kept giving me the balls. It was a man made pin ball machine. We played all four.

After that we headed to the train station. Where I almost missed my train. Yoshie apologized for our lateness. Hayato had gone somewhere else so I missed to say goodbye to him. Too bad. The trip was fun. I took pictures and at around 3:15pm we passed an accident between 2 cars. The driver was being pulled out as he was trapped.

That was my only excited thing that happened. I hope everyone was ok and not really injured.

I arrived at Shin-Kobe at around 7:06pm. I was really lost so decided to take a taxi (which cost 660yen but gave tip which amounted to 1,000yen) to the hotel. Checked in and then wanted to use the internet so I went down to get the necessary things to connect to the internet but it wasn't working... I got the password which made my PC get the blue screen of death. I went down to the reception and stayed in the lobby eating my o-bento that I got from the train station in Okoyama. I connected and read and send email...

Then headed up to my room, where I watched tv and fell asleep....

I woke up at around 11:30 am... Hayato woke me up a little harsh... He is a totally cute child. He was playing with the toy I got him yesterday at the cow center (a tourist site that apparently is an attraction) early in the morning. I woke up a few times during the morning due too so much noise but it was ok. The futon was so lovely, I really want one!

I did not have anything to eat... I went and took my shower, my second interaction with a typical Japanese bathroom. I got a bit scared as there was no curtain or anything like that but its quite private though. the toilet is not even there its in a separate room. The laundry room and were you come out of the bathroom is next to each other. I had fun taking the shower but I did not take a bath... I just don't really like it that much...

Yoshie drove around Ehime showing me the city where she lives. We went to where there was a cow which is an attraction in her town. As they are the major production of milk in this prefecture. I took some pictures and we say a few butterflies. Too bad I did not take any pictures of them they were too fast for me. We heard a bird singing the music of spring. Totally nice. Then we headed to a souvenir shop where I bought some stuff almost 10,000 yen worth. I got Hanoka a daisy duck baby in her baby pink pajamas and Hayato I got him a remote control car. Which I would regret the next morning as he was using it like crazy around the house when I was still sleeping...

We were going to eat at the restaurant that was there but it had been booked for a cake class. Also, were were going to eat ice cream but instead we went to another location. Where we bought Takoyaki and took pictures & a little video of how to make it. The lady making them knew Yoshie's younger brother. So, due to that she got some free food, but no the takoyaki.

We went to sit and eat it. I got the drinks for all. We ate and then had Gelato which they call gelatte or something like that. I guess That they try to make it as Japanese as possible. Which is cute. I got taro, Hanoka got chocolate chip. yoshie and Hayato did not get any ice cream but I went to get a spoon to share my ice cream with them. Mine was a cone and Hanoka was in a cup.
We went to sit at the same place that we ate the Takoyaki. After we headed to the store inside of the place. We went looking around and got some melon buns (one for me and the other for Hanoka) with a egg sandwich. We looked around and Yoshie explain some food to me. I saw Hanoka pouring some thing into her hand I stretched mine so she could pour me some. It was sesame seeds with a hint of sourness (I guess plum??).

Then after buying the stuff we kind of lost Hayato and started to look for him. We found him in the section of toys... heee... He has a radar for the toys. I guess children are like that...

So when we started to headed to the car, Yoshie went to the bathroom and the children and I went to the car to wait for her. Hanoka and I ate the egg sandwich.

Yoshie came and we headed back her home. Hanoka had at 4pm an English lesson which she has once a week.

We went to meet George Yoshie's English teacher. The story: So, Yoshie's been taking English for the past 5yrs when George started his school with his wife. Apparently, he traveled Japan for the last 10 yrs. He married a Japanese woman... And then decided to start a English school. He asked a professor at his University if there was anyone else interested in coming to Unomachi (Ehime). And now there are 2 Westerners there... George from California and the other who's name I forgot but he's 24-25 and from Utah.

OK, so we had gone to the post office but I did not think I can get money from the ATM there and then tried to see if we could at Yoshie's bank but to no avail they told us to go to the post office. We headed that way and then asked them there. Some guy came and tried using my cards which they couldn't be used. I was a bit disappointed. After that we headed to the English school for Hanoka and a bit early as Yoshie had to meet one of her students who wanted to give her a gift (yellow roses in a large shot glass with a nice letter). I met George's wife. His manners change towards me and then I just watched a bit and then went in to see how it was. A few minutes later we decided to go. The wife asked me my age and she was like ah still younger then me... Like who cares... Whatever!!!

My impression was that she was the jealous type and the husband instead of getting into an argument with her, it was better for him to ignore me.

After that I decided that I wanted to try a Big Mac and to my surprise there was a Mc D's at the bottom of the school... I did eat it but then deciding that it was too much! Hayato had a Happy Meal (grape juice, fries and a hamburger with of course a toy)!

We waited a bit for Hanoka then headed to the Dollar store. Where I went mental and almost spent 10,000yen... got Hanoka glass jelly stickers... all the rest was for gifts. There was so much stuff I liked... I wish I could have taken the whole store with me...

then after that we headed to the grocery store where I got some stuff I wanted to try, but was a bit full which I could not try most of the stuff I bought or Yoshie got. We had cone sushi... with shrimp, tuna w/ mayo, fake crab, some leaves that tasted like radish, cucumber, lettuce and the nori. Also I got some fried chicken on a stick, fried shrimp and 2 patties one beef and the other mix potato and meat...

We ate had a coffee and the waffle ice cream but just a section which was shared between Yoshie, Hayato, Hanoka and me...

We went to the living room and started to watch the TV. some story about a guy who hitched hiked and shot the guy who picked him up but did not kill him. they promise to each other that they would not speak of it to anyone. So, later on the years the one who picked up the hitch hiker wrote a book... It was all in Japanese but got the gist of it.

Also, I saw a bit of the news were a Japanese guy killed a western woman because she refused him. the way it happen was that he invited her to his home with the pretense to learn English and he told her that he lived with his family when actually lived on his own. His parents are both doctors, he had failed to enter medical school and did not have a job. So her followed her and gave her gifts and all but she made it clear that she was not interested in him and that she had a fiancée... He seem to not care and just pretended to be a friend to her. Well, once he got her to his apt he tried advances and she refused and then he killed her. The details are still not known on my part as Yoshie was the one who translated most of it but I'll try to get the story of the Internet once I get to the hotel, tomorrow.

Checked my email and found out that B-G's dad has some sort of Leukemia which is bad and seems that he won't be able to make the trip to Japan. I need to contact him as soon as I get to the city. I feel terrible that he's in this dilemma and I'm not there for support. I have to get back to the people who have left me messages and the one person that I got a gift for has yet to send me a thank you. Shhhh.... Unbelievable! I guess I expect too much!!!

At around 9:30pm went to take a shower.

Woke up a few times but it was ok... I got up around quarter to 12 and took a shower. Did my grooming and then headed out. I went to check out and was struck by the fact that the people at reception did not speak English. surprise but to be expected, right? So, they credit me for the 27th day and I was checking out. They were really nice...

Headed to take the train to Shin-Osaka... Once there I got some food: cheesecake for Yoshie and the family, some Osaka souvenirs, then a o-bento to eat in the train and drank a blueberry & yogurt drink which was pretty good... Went to platform 20 to catch the train headed to Okayama for 2:59pm... some idiot lady got in front of me. I really get annoyed when they do that. they just stand infront of you and don't make a line... I had seat #2D which was good and no one sat next to me which was great. Had my o-bento and the only thing i did not eat was the little fish and the pepper but I did try both. I just didn't like the flavor. I had 2 cigs and then as soon as that the train ride was over and I was arriving at my first change...

Arrived a few minutes early at Okoyama and asked the nice people who work at the station and they told me the train was leaving at gate 12... I got asked by a lady for directions which I apologized because I didn't speak Japanese and asked her to asked the information people. Saw some westerners but apparently if you see one you should like run from them... As they kept running from me... They saw me and headed the opposite way. I wonder what that is all about? I was kind of sad and well I wanted people that looked like me... It was kind of annoying they do that.

bought some tea which apparently coca-cola makes here for Japan... About the tea here in a bottle none have sugar all are without... I tried to buy cigs from a store but the lady was such a bitch and she totally ignored me so I walked away. I then saw that my train was leaving in 5 minutes and decided to ask the conductor. apparently it was my train... Imagine if I had not asked cuz I wasn't going to and was willing to waited out... shit would have missed my train... So, in the cart that I'm in its a non-smoking, which ok i guess but I'm wishing for one just about now. I asked a businessman just to double check if this was the right train... which it was... he was nice enough.

No one sat beside me either which was great. Read a bit, listen to music and then decided to pull out my laptop to get the info of the day before and today down.

Soon will be arriving at Matsuyama where I make my final change to Unomachi where I meet Yoshie and her kids... I do have to contact her to once I get to Matsuyama... To tell her that I am almost there... Well, in an hour...

So got to Matsuyama asked the people who work there where was the place to take the next train to Unomachi. And was surprised that is was just the next train in front of the one that I had just debarked... I got in and started to make my way to car #1 seat #____. I send Yoshie 2 emails to tell her I had gotten there and that I was boarding the train and I would be on my way to Unomachi platform finally meet her and her kids... It was an ok ride and the train was about 2 min late but that is just fine... I just listen to music and drank my tea... As I got off I saw Yoshie and her 2 really cute children... I was amazed that Hanoka was wearing the sweater I had bought her and later found out that Hayato was wearing also the t-shirt I send them. They are so totally cute!

The car was really cute... And the ride from the station was only 5min which was not long... The kids are so well behaved and adorable... Yoshie speaks really good English I was totally surprised...

She is a really nice lady... I know we will get along these few days that will be together. I spoke to her about the guy and well she was really sad but I told her that it doesn't matter. I showed pictures of him and she said he was a bad boy in the eyes of Japanese... So, I told her of JR, PZY, BYC and B-G... Told her that B-G's dad is really sick and might have leukemia which is really bad... I am really worried for that. I told him that it would be ok if he didn't come. I hope he can change the flight to go to see him...

So, Yoshie gave me the x-mas gifts which are so adorable... I love the gifts they are so nice... I will put the kimono dangly thing on my cell and carry the change purse with me... I love the incense too... Its ume (plum) scent... very nice... Wow! Those are things that I like very much! She has great taste.

so, we talked some more... Asked her about her husband and it seems its ok with him as he works really late at night. he will get home around 1:30-2:00am... Wow!!

We also talked about Japanese education for children in Japan. I explain what Etsu twins did and she said it was normal for them to not have time to be with their friends and that studying and doing curriculum activities after school is the Japanese way. Hanoka does piano since 5yrs old and dances since 7yrs old. She is such a cute child and both Hanoka and Hayato go to English school once a month... That's so great. Yoshie's been learning English for about 5yrs and speaks really good and understands amazingly!!!!

Her home is really nice... She took a shower and I went for a cig.... When she came back we spoke about guys, life and the things I been doing in Japan... Also, she is very surprised that I have come to Japan. I explain to her how I work for awhile then go on vacation with the money I make. Hopefully, I can do this trip once again next or in 2 years. That would be great I would know a bit more and not be so scared...

Went to Yoshie's room Hayato was sleeping in her bed and she showed me the piano recital and dancing Hanoka performed a few months ago... She is totally talented!

Asked Yoshie where her husband slept and was it in the chair. She told me its a massage chair and that her husband and her haven't slept together in 10yrs. WoW!!!!!!!

I went to take a shower and then I tried to go see if she was awake but I could not see if the lights were on or off so I decided to make my way back downstairs. It was my first experience in a true Japanese home and took a real Japanese shower. I just did not take the bath.

It's 12:20am and I need to go to bed. The kids apparently will wake up at 7-8am and We're off to the mall or to eat around 11am....

Oyasumi!

So I was suppose to wake up at 6:30 am but in the end I woke up at 5:15am, why well... I guess it was because I was too nervous. I had taken a shower yesterday night so I just had to wash my face and brush my teeth. I guess the Osaka trip is freaken' crazy but it's fun. I got ready and checked out. Left the gift for Seiki at reception of the Hotel... Took some last minutes pictures out of the window.

Bought the ticket 190yen towards Shinagawa at 7:10am... Got to Shinagawa... The bag so freaken' heavy...

I went to Starbucks and ordered a large Latte... Sat there for about 1hr & 15 min... The longest time I have ever spend let me tell you. I read while listening to music and drinking the large Latte. I say all sorts of people, mostly Asians but a few Westerners but all with a freaken angry expression which made me feel sort of sad. I guess many Westerners now come to Japan to live and to work... Many of them were office workers a few tourists like me but all pretty old... I did see a few young guys but guys no girls!!!!!!!!!! What the FUCK!

I really miss being in Montreal... I cried a few times missing home and all but now I guess I have to shape up and get the remaining part of this trip out of my hairs... I try to think why is it that I wanted to come to Japan so badly when in actuality is not what I expected. I thought it would be friendly but no all the people have an upset face and no expression its sort of sucks!! I know a few people but still they cannot be with me 24hrs a day. I don't even want to listen to Japanese music or anything like that. I want to listen to English and try to be on my own as much as possible. The language barrier is really hard. I cannot speak well... besides 'arigatou' 'gomenasai' 'sumimasen' those are the 3 words that make up my Japanese vocabulary... I want to learn but.......................


I seem to be in stuck until B-G gets here on April 11th... Then we stay together and we can do things together. It's great that the BOYFRIEND is coming!!! Will atl east have someone to be with... I see things that maybe he will see in a better light as he is Chinese after all. He does want to go to Hong Kong, how will do that I don't know at all... But we'll manage I guess...

So getting back to the Japan trip... I am going to Osaka for 7 days. Stay at a hotel the 26 & 27. I will meet Etsu at the train station. He will help me to get around. I seem to be calm not nervous at all.

Shin-Osaka on a Hikari train #407, cart 15 (smoking), seat #7C. Apparently, the last stop which is great.

It's Sunday in Montreal right now!

Second stop Shisuoka. I missed stop 1...

Hamamatsu 3rd stop!

The scenery from Tokyo to Shin-Osaka reminds me of Vancouver/Seattle not to strange... Kinda Western... I guess I was expecting temples and all the stuff that anime has... Ha! NOT?! Though I wonder, how steady are those buildings that are passing by... And the houses, there was an earthquake yesterday which collapsed many homes and it was sort of sad. How I know Katsu was kind enough to be with me and translate the news before he went home.

My only thing is I wish to meet gay Japanese that would be great! I wonder?!?

4th stop - Nagoya!!

So, I got to Shin-Osaka and Etsu met me there. We went to eat ramen which I paid for. He was so nice that he got me a day pass for the Osaka rail system. He then took me to my hotel Toyoko inn (Osaka Taniyon Kousaten) at station c18... Shin-Osaka (M-13)... After I checked in we went walking as my hotel is near Osaka castle... He seem to apologize a lot due to his direction status. he reminds me a bit like B-G... funny!

So, we walked to Osaka Castle and it was quite a surprise. Very nice, many people love dogs. I guess is the in thing... We walked I took some pictures, there was not many cherry blossoms in bloom yet. It will take a few more weeks until they are in full bloom.

We went for a ride in a small cruise around Osaka bay/ castle... It took a little while but I had fun. Etsu was a really nice man. We talked... I did most of the talking but I told him that I love to bla bla bla... a lot.

Then we walked about 10 min to got to take the train to go to a famous Osaka place. Where there is a large crab and a man dressed like clown but with otaku face and a drum. We ate at the restaurant. I had something like curry and he had sushi but the not the maki style the other. I took one the squid which is similar to Tako and its good... then we had dessert, we had 2 (Takoyaki like but filled with ice cream and topped with chocolate sauce & powder green tea and the other was sakura mochi like but in ice cream form... It was really good...

We headed out and walked around a bit took some pictures. He showed me a bridge where apparently girls and boys meet. It's like a meeting bridge for lovers...

Through out bridges that you walk by there are glass or wire fences as for people not too jump either for the fun of it or to commit suicide...

Then we headed back to my hotel (room 907) and asked him if he could hold some of my stuff. I didn't want to carry to much to Ehime...

He left and I thanked him very much for the day and for the food and for just being such a wonderful host...

I got on the net (looked for a hotel, check mail and send mail, talked a bit to Seiki and reminded him to get his gift at Otorii), made 2 calls to Toyoko Inn Shin-Kobe #2 which was full and then to holiday Inn Express which is 5 min. away fron Shin-kobe the station i will arrive on the 29th. Made the reservation until the 2nd of April. And turned on the tv, watched 'Sweet Home Alabama,' which I like a lot. I was sort of happy that it was a recent movie usually in Tokyo all the movies I had been watching were pretty old...

So, headed to bed around quarter to one...

a blurr... all i know i went walking around and was feeling kind tired... Met Seiki... Nothing much happened... I think?!?

HAPPY BIRTHDAY OCM!!

So, my b-day was spend totally fucked up still from the trip... I slept through out the day and was a bit screwed up. I watched some TV... Took a shower and bumped my knee once again and got another beautiful bruise to be added to the many others that were to come... HA!

I should have written earlier... But so much was going on and the hotel was always trying to kick me out so writing was not a priority...

Got to the airport around 6 something. B-G took my cell which at Detroit I missed it very much. Had to buy a 10$ dollar calling card and he had to go to a meeting which sucks. Called Micheal and Louise. Went through customs, I said passing through going to Japan... They let me pass pretty fast but still asked what I did and bla, bla the info thing...

An 1hr & 1/2 plane ride to Detroit was ok. Not much fun. Can't seem to remember if I spoke to anyone. I don't think so...

Got to Detroit... walked to Gate 51 and waited my 3hr lay over. Got some h2o & pretzels... Also an Ethernet cable and a calling card ($10). Saw some white guys with Japanese girlfriends. Why is it that they like them? I guess is a choice they have made but usually the girls are either nice or totally snobby! Well, this one thought she was like the bomb. I shouldn't even talk as I have a taste for Asians myself... Ha!

It came to board the plane and it was sort of good. Had my pillow and sheet which was good for the 15hr plane ride. I rarely got sick. Took some meds.... It was a 3 seater and the one in the middle was empty which was great. The guy at the end was really nice and on top of it his name was Gary... Ha! funny.

Watched movies, some documentary about films & watched some sort of weird program that I had never seen. A plane sitcom, maybe?

Well, I slept but felt that maybe that I snore so I kept waking up. Had some food which was kind of gross. A lot of drinks as you get dehydrated from being so up high... And well 15hrs is sort of bad for you body to stay immobile right?

I shared some of my pretzels with Gary and he was a nice man. He was going to Thailand, his wife had gone there with his kids about 2 weeks... He was going to go join them. He had more hrs on a plane poor guy!

So, I get off at Narita airport, it was March 13, a day ahead... Lost!!! The first thing I bought was a lighter 200yen (with a little Ultraman dangling from it. which I took off!). Then headed to the phone and called the hotel to tell them I would be late maybe 7pm and that bags would be delivered.

Headed to the delivery service for bags... The guy didn't speak too much English but he was helpful. I think it cost 3680yen for them to deliver my bags to the hotel the next day. Headed outside to have a cig.... Saw my first Western guy and he just smiled at me which was nice. I didn't feel so alone...

Sat there and got stared by Japanese men and women... I felt I was in a display case. We do not do that or do we?

Went back in and asked the information lady what was the best think to get to go to my hotel which by the way it was about 1-2hrs away from Narita... Just great!

I took a bus limo thing... It only costed 1360yen, pretty cheap which left me at Haneda Airport and then from there I took the Keikyu line to Otorii station which the hotel I booked. Thanks to Issei... Very convenient as the station was like a few feet away from the hotel. A very good move but apparently very far away from Katsu & Seiki... As they live in Shiba...

Well, got to know Shinagawa very well... Now I know that its cost like only 190yen to go from the hotel to there...
Pretty cheap!

So, I got to the hotel and the girls are totally nice! I met the girl that helped me with my reservation which was great. So, I got my room key 1356! Crap, the number 13!! What bad luck, but it was ok. And then I turn and Katsu is there. I think that the girls were looking at me like what the fuck?!?

It was kinda weird but hey what the hell you expect when you go to a strange country. RIGHT?


Went to leave my stuff at the hotel and then headed to eat with Katsu... It was sort of eerie as I was exhausted from the 15hrs + trip. I think next time I will take first class...


I was totally exhausted but sleeping was totally difficult... The bed was hard as a freaken' rock! The bathroom totally funny. Freaken' banged my knees and got so many bruises from it! The toilet makes noises and has like a bidet French style crap!

Took some sleeping pills cause it was freaken' hard to sleep.... The time, the exhaustion, the strange/weird country all rolled up into one. Crazy!

I finally headed to bed but not before turning on the TV... Which was all in JAPANESE!!!! Crap at least there was 1 channel which was in English, they call it 'the cinema channel.' I watched pretty good English, French, Italian and Spanish movies which thank god I speak or else I would have gone loony!

So, I did watch some stuff which I have seen in YOUTUBE, like the funny shows from OSAKA! Which as always I wish I had a translator to tell me but some of the gestures were kinda noticeable and could tell. Hamada, Yamamoto, at this point I don't remember.... but still... some anime and some guy dress as a woman... A trans which was great!

I fell asleep........................................

Off to Japan!

Finished working on Thursday. Went to say my farewells to the wonderful people I worked with. Will keep in touch with some. When I come back hopefully we get together!

I am so scared to go to Japan but it will be fun!

Monday I head out and I will be planting my feet in Japan Tuesday at 4:20pm...

I will miss the kitties!

Need a laptop and well I got girlie taste so I went with..... Sony Vaio C-series SkyBlue order it from Ontario as Quebec has a law that if it's not in French then it cannot be sold here! It only comes in English...

I am happy to say its being delivered to a Sony Store for me on Saturday!!!

Totally happy and it looks cute. Reminds me of the mac book. I have decided that I will wait until the new Mac Book Pros [decided on a 17"] come out from apple [which will set me off about 4-5 thou...] maybe they'll come out with something for the iphone which will be great to get when it comes out here in Canada. As my provider is the only one that will carry it... I am very happy on that part!

This computer will be used to travel and the Mac that will be purchase next year will be for the home but for now. This baby will do!

Happy Valentine's!!!

Still in the same shitty mood as always... Trying to live life and its trying to suck me clean of my desire to live... I hate the holidays... This one will be one to fuckin' forget...

So, tomorrow is my first day! That is the only thing that will save me for now! I look forward to the daily grind. This one will be worth it. Japan seems so far away! What have I been doing with my life just dreaming and being stupid. i have to wakeup and smell the coffee before the train leaves me behind or decides to throw me into oblivion.

Seems funny now, of how things were just a few months ago. Now, it's total hatret of happythings aaahhh! Get me out of this hell hole...

My apt is still being invaded by the J-guy... He's better half comes on the 22nd... until 2nd... well good for them!!! Helped with payment and he paid back... I still need to give him a bill for the phone, he wanted... Due March!! He has 2 more months and I get my apt. Which I don't want... I need to do a clean sweep of that place!!! There is shit there I hate and don't want. Too many memories... I hate it there! If I go back it will literally scar me for life!!!

BTW:


★. ・ . * . ・　　　. ・　. ・　*　. ・
・ **** . ・ * 〇 Happy Holidays,
. . **Ｊ** * . o ・ Everyone!
**☆**** ＿＿П ・　　　　　　　　　　／＼／＼ .
***§*☆** ／＼ Ц＼ ・ . ・ * ／ ＼ ＼ ・
***Ｊ***§** ／ 口 ＼____＼ ／____＼__＼
|| | П | □ |　 . * ・ ・ ||. || . ・

So, life is great I guess... I'm still in the garden of hell trying to make my way out is really hard. When a door closes a window opens that is me at the moment. I feel like I hope my life changes in a few months. I want so much to forget and not feel anything for now. I want to scream, cry and just vent!! To who, know one! Why, cuz who wants a freaken' annoying woman venting about stupid shit!!!

Been playing with my baby DS... He's sweet and doesn't hurt me... BabyNano is doing great. He got new clothing from zCovers.

I need to find a new car plug for my pods... The other sorta is dying! What's good out there?

tube-blogging she is totally funny and keeps me amused!!

Been doing some penpal emailing lately. Its sort of fun and keeps me busy! I met one of them she was great. She seems to be nice and will be leaving in Feb to LA then back to Japan. Hope she can help me and well I can do the same thing.

Have also been chatting a few times with mr.nosthegametoo. He really makes me laugh and I guess I do the same for him. Aaah, the cancer sticks are still in my life but for him it's been 15mths and so very proud of him!!!

My internet connection is kind of loony, I sometimes can't go to peeps blogs the freaken thing is trying to drive me batty!!! I need to check stuff on the web about firefox. Do I need to upgrade or something on that line.

Need to upload my pictures of my tree and the cats loving it... heee...

So, finally got OLDCATMAN's new it onto my list. Finally, sorry about that... Need to really go and read and read. Been such a long time that I have ignore all my reads. But still using a someone else's PC. And I cannot always use it! AAAAAHHHH! I need my own... Where's the money insurance man!!! Where's the money!!!!

Since Sept. 16, the insurance report has been done with all the details of all the things stolen. We picked up the stuff that was recover from the robbery. An alarm has been installed. I have developed some narcissistic issues due to the break in.

October was a blur...

My Japanese tutor left for Japan Nov. 3rd for ever. He will not be returning. Goodbye to him!

On the 12th of Nov. I ended in the US. I was suppose to stay there for 4 months but it was not meant to be. I spend time with my mother which we had a fight and she kicked me out and went to stay with my sister. She was really nice. We went shopping and my niece is so damn cute. Now 4yrs old she is not so shy. I babysat her twice. She goes to private preschool. Thanksgiving was OK decided to stay home and cook at my sisters.

While there went shopping for flavor creamers as there are none here. I bought 10 and was charged $50USD at the airport as the bag was 69Kilos. But it was worth it!!

I got 2 pair of boots I love them so! Got some shirts and a couple of gloves which are great!

I been quite emotional these past few weeks! I was such a looser on the plane I started to cry for no apparent reason.

Oh need to mentioned that last week, which I was surprised, I got a job offer from a headhunter for IBM. And a few days ago I got another 2 offers for jobs which I am some what confidence that I'm qualified for.

Right now I have no Apt. as I sort of sublet it to a Japanese guy. I cannot live there until March. Back where I came from, am I!

Was planning on heading to Japan in Dec. but it will not happen. The thoughts of going are still there but maybe later on next year when I have some money.

Been spending money I don't have! Got the iPod Nano Red 4GB which was suppose to be for someone but the plans fell through and now I have ended up with it. The cost $229CAD [$199Us].

I still don't have a PC been wishing that the insurance gives me enough for my crap to buy an apple laptop that is my wish.

Wed. 29th, was when the beautiful crystal white DS, that I finally wanted, was purchased with 2 games [animal crossings & brain age], a kit [which includes 18 things] that cost 19.99 for the DS and a 2yr warranty in case it breaks. You never know! Now all the games that I had bought in eBay are being use all 8 of them. I am a happy camper. But still have to purchase a few more to keep me more amused.

Now I have my eyes on the Wii but I will wait until the DVD feature is activated on the consoles next year. And maybe just maybe it will be a little less... Plus, I been reading on the net and got told by the Japanese guy staying at my place that the Wii remotes can break easily and 2 people have reported that the console stopped working for no apparent reason. Nintendo was nice enough to replace the consoles for free. NICE!

I been listening to Ozrosaurus. Japanese rapper from Yokohama, not bad!

So the Advance GB Advance and NGC are gone with GenkiBlocks and Animal Crossings. They were in the consoles and also 2 NGC memory cards!!! Bye Bye games. Damn!! Let's not think of that now...

Japan CM on you tube are pretty interesting!

Tuesday started out just fine. When I got a call and then all hell broke loose. Well suffixed to say my PC is gone for ever and some other possessions that I'll never get back. Got some stuff back... An alarm was installed and thank god for insurance.

Wednesday was a horrible tragedy... The college I went to Dawson, was stalked by a mad man. I think he was a really troubled man. Was stuck watching TV to see what was going on. I watched some vids on youtube about it, too. Poor girl, who got killed. And then there are the 20 others that got shot and eight of them critically. 3 days after 9/11 that is some crazy stuff...

I hate when people leave stupid things that they don' t know what the hell they are talking about. Looser...

Changed my comment acceptance to only bloggers! I accept any comment atleast make yourself known for crying out loud. How pathetic can you be. Having an opinion and not leaving your name. That just pisses me off. Weak and retarded, that's my understanding of people when they do that.

What a rant... but I am still having a wonderful day...

It's gloomy and rainy. I wanted to go out an do some stuff but the weather is so darn icky that I just want to stay home cleaning and cooking and surfing.

Called cell company as I got a msg from them saying my unlimited local calling will end on the 27th of this month. But apparently it will end on the 18th of Aug which is sweet, plus all 3 phones have it. SUGOI!!!!

Going to go study Japanese now... Matane...

My messy new place... On July 1st!!!

Been on the hunt for a job. Finally got net last week. Been lazy on updating my blog.

I really been mostly watching youtube stuff. Nothing interesting has happened to really talk about besides just living my life and finding it a bit hard not to find a job that I really like.

I am happy for now, the is the truth. What with the new apt on the way. I am still looking for a job and well things been quite good, but my heart is still spinning. Why is it that every time I am happy I feel guilty? I think of the worst and hardest things in life. I want to scream and I want to laugh all in one. My thinking has gone on a sleeping mode and when it wakes it's total happiness... I feeling that is so awkward to my senses... How can I say things that cannot be put into words. My life has changed and well things are not quite easy but they are quite happy. Some might say its a temporary thing but I hope is not!

In other matters my bro is back from Japan. Yep, he is doing his thing now. I talked to him finally and he's fine. I guess the experience was quite good but he's now out and happy. The only thing is now he has other set backs in his life for his future I mean. As he dropped out of the Marines and now he is a washout sort of,but I am happy that he is not risking his life and he can have a normal one of that. On the 14th he's of to Chicago for an interview for a job. Which is great! I wish him all the luck in the world.

Been smoking like a chimney, need to quit but hey it keeps be off much much much food... I am quite ok with it for now. I know cancer lurks in the background but that's ok!

That's about it for now....

Dime por qué lloras
De felicidad
Y por qué te ahogas
Por la soledad
Di por qué me tomas, fuerte así,
mis manos, y tus pensamientos te van llevando

Yo te quiero tanto
Y por qué será
Loco testarudo, no lo dudes más,
aunque en el futuro haya un muro enorme,
yo no tengo miedo, quiero enamorarme.

No me ames, porque pienses que
parezco diferente
Tú no piensas que es lo justo,
ver pasar el tiempo juntos
No me ames, que comprendo,
la mentira que sería.
Si tu amor no merezco, no me ames,
mas quédate otro día

No me ames, porque estoy perdido,
porque cambié el mundo, porque es el
destino, porque no se puede, somos un espejo,
Y tú así serías lo que yo
de mí reflejo
No me ames, para estar muriendo,
dentro de una guerra llena de
arrepentimientos, no me ames para estar
en tierra, quiero alzar el
vuelo, con
tu gran amor por el azul del cielo
No sé qué decirte, esa es la verdad,
si la gente quiere, sabe lastimar
Tú y yo partiremos, ellos no se mueven,
pero en este cielo sola no me dejes

No me dejes, no me dejes, no me escuches,
si te digo "no me ames".
No me dejes, no desarmes,
mi corazón con ese "no me ames"
No me ames, te lo ruego, mi amargura, dèjame
Sabes bien, que no puedo, que es inútil,
que siempre te amaré

No me ames, pues te haré sufrir con este
corazòn que se llenó de mil inviernos
No me ames, para así olvidarte de tus días grises, quiero que me ames
sólo por amarme
No me ames, tú y yo volaremos,
uno con el otro y seguiremos siempre juntos
Este amor es como el sol que sale tras de la tormenta
Como dos cometas en la misma estela

so the last few days been sort of an eye opening. I send bum an email but no reply... I got some things I need to work on. I thank all the people who send their best wishes. been out of the net for a while. my grandmother is dying and I been so sad. I did the most stupid thing and now I'm paying for it. I have turn my life upside down and crap! I needt to fix it. I also, have quit my job and I'm in the process of getting a new one. I knew it was too good to be true. I now need to really think and not take the first job that is offered to me. They were just wanting too much out of me. I felt that I was being used. I got was being trained in like 3 different dept because I heard that they didnt want to hire more then one and alot of the work was being dumped on me. I was so stressed, even stayed late a few time just to help out. The apt is not ready to move in yet. maybe by the end of next week it will happened. The lease is signed and sealed so that I am not worried about. The search for a job continues.......

So the good news is got the job! It was my first interview in like 2yrs. Went to 2 and the first wanted me... Funny! Started today! pretty fun and all... And got an apt yesterday, signed the lease and all! It's really near my work, which I guess is great! 10-15 min away...
Been really thinkings tuff and wll life takes you in such a different direction that you expected. I thought my life was set and then something happened and all turned upside down, I guess for the good but still do miss my old life... Miss the comfort of it... Yeah, lazy me trying to analyse what shitty life I had for like 2 yrs. Well, it wasn't that bad, could have made it work, right Mondo? Heee... I really had it good! Everything in my life was taken care of but then I gave up alot to have it that way, and I guess I am better off. I am truly scared but maybe this one will be good and happy. Shit what the fuck!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm so freaken lame...
Nothing else has been happening... I've been lazy at reading peeps blogs... Need to catch up and all... Haven't really checked emails or nothing... Freak, been totally out of the loop of the net... Although, I miss it, I tend to go in and out of that world... I want so much to be able to do alot but crap it's all coming in slow now. Specially now with work and a new place, freak will be waiting for like 2-3 wks on that. My pad is totally sweet! I love it! Eventually, will now feel more like home then were I was before. Finally my OWN PLACE!!!!!!!!!!! About fuckin' time right!!!

Crap I've sworn so much on this. Sorry about it!

So back from the world wind that I call my life... I think that my life is changing as time goes by. I will be going to a job interview on Monday @ 10am. Wish me luck! :) A bit nervous but all will be ok. If this works then I can get and my own place, next! Crossing my fingers so badly this works...

I have also thought so much these past few days about me, my life and what I want it to be. I think that all that is around needs to change but I want it fast and now! Not a very patient person sometimes specially when I want change NOW!

Spoken to my mom and she's at the present moment on vacation in Atlanta, GA. Lucky!!!

I have found 2 songs that I wish and will download soon, hopefully, by UVERworld: D-technolife (lyrics) and Colors of the Heart. TAKUYA∞, the vocalist, looks really cute on the first video I watched on youtube but on Chance and Just Melody he looks totally different. Not so cute... hee... But still...

I change my comments as Bloopy mentioned it to me on his comments. THX :) He has the coolest way of giving a Vodka gift to someone. Pretty special... A man with a alot of imagination! Heee... Also, showed me the cutest site ever cuteoverload.com. KAWAII!!!!

The days have passed pretty fast for me these few weeks. I got an email on the 24th about a job offer hopefully I get it. I put my cv on monster and I had just updated and then that happened! I am still looking fir a job and an apt. I will be moving out of my boyfriends house, its time to become independent. I been too selfish and wanting to just be bum! I have not been wanting to be with him any more. It's going to hurt him but I need to do this. I am no longer happy! I need more and with out him will be better.

so the day has been totale yucky! I been thinking that even though my nails look nice they are already driving me crazy. I can't seem to type properly! It takes me like for ever!

Nosthegame and me have been like sending mail back and forth is so great that we have some stuff in common... It's been great!

The confussion has started what todo?The heart is so foolish. I am playing a game that will end so wrong. What is wrong with my heart why is it that it likes pain like a drug! I try to stop and then the freaken thing doesn't give a damn if the cause is so freaken wrong! I have stepped into a bitty little world that will make me happy for like a millisecond and then plunge me into despair for a long time! AAAhhhh what a tangled web I have started to weave!

Been exercising like a mad woman and have ended up with 9.7lbs out of my frame. 45lbs to go and I will be totally happy. Bought my bike for the summer. I love my new bike is so cute, its yummy green and silver.

Eating like a bird and like often. Have left most but not all sweets behind.

Went to get my nails down today. Theylook amazing. The girl was totally sweet! We had a pleasant conversation. Talked about men and why they sometimes are such asses... Heee... Walked from there home. Stopped at the store for cigs and the guy was like: 'Mademoiselle, you know that you have to be 18 to buy cigarrettes.' I was like I'm 33!!! He looked at me and said 'Is in't so lucky to look so young!' I just laughed and thanked him. Totally FUNNY!

That happens from time to time. Why can't men see I look/am 33! CRAP! Yes, most women want to look younger I on the other hand never liked that! I guess that's crazy on my part.

What ever!?

I wanted to go today to go see the powerbook but there was no time. Probably will go Thursday. As tomorrow I will go and see someone.

Also, called my cell carrier to get another phone connected. The Razr v3i for my friend. It cost me like nothing cuz of my account $$.... It's really nice. But I just finished calling again because I wanted to change it to black it looks like totally nicer! And the phone I ordered was the wrong one [Razr v3] that the sales guy put on my invoice. The one I want is w/ mp3s which is the V3i. He had the one without it on my account order... Now the order was cancelled and now I'm waiting for his call. Great!!!! The waiting game has started....

He’s soft to the touch
But afraid at the end he breaks
He’s never enough
And still leaves more than I can take
Oh when I don’t know
I don’t know what he’s after
But he’s so beautiful
Such a beautiful disaster
And if I could hold on
Through the tears and the laughter
Would it be beautiful?
Or just a beautiful disaster

It's hard for you
When your heart has opened up to feelings that you never knew
Never thinking that you'd doubt our love you don't know what to do
I'd give anything, my heart, my soul if i could pull you through

And will your arms still hold me
And your eyes console me?

I’m sitting here alone up in my room
And thinking about the times that we’ve been through (oh my love)
I’m looking at a picture in my hand
Trying my best to understand
I really wanna know what we did wrong
With the love that felt so strong
If only you were here tonight
I know that we could make it right

How was I to know I’d miss you so?
Loneliness up ahead,
Emptiness behind
Where do I go?

Although love is a kind of duty, in giving it, give it completely
Sometimes love's beauty has no way of lasting forever
Love can enrapture you just as much as it can hurt you
If you've bravely loved, then you should bravely leave

But it's time to face the truth,
I will never be with you.

some times things bring you full circle. I have been really thinking all sorts things don't make sense.

Friday was a night that we had a fight. I ended up leaving and coming back Sunday night. The weekend went well... I forgot to call Mondo back, hope he forgives me. But I know he will. I am terribly tired but had a wonderful time. Met the roommates, Japanese girl [the same age as me] and the French guy [a travel agent, who's gone alot to the East]. We talked and had fun!

Didn't eat much as my appetite was cut by the fight and all the surrounding problems that we keep having. I walked for about 2hrs on Fri., Nori was a great companion. Very understanding which was great!

The only thing was I couldn't take a shower in someone else's house which made my hair so dirty. So, ended up taking one when I came back.

Went for a walk to the post office to check for mail. Got my PS2 game iNinja! Will be playing it this evening. The walk was good, we had a good time B-G and me. Went to Tim Horton's to get an Butter Caramel Ice Cappuccino! It was great. I have blisters from Friday. One started to act up near home. Which was good a 1hr 15min walk!

Checked my emails and got updated all my stuff... Listening to music!

Scars (SL - madarin)
The night is deep already; who is it that has
Let you awake like this to count the scars?
Why do you want to leave a light on just before you go to sleep?
If you're not willing to say, then I won't ask

Only now, you have no choice but to admit
Love is sometimes a kind of degradation
Disappointing people, although that is love itself
But don't do that just because you are a woman!

If you love deeply, then it won't be able to balance
For the trouble of sentiment, you've harassed your soul
Love the ones you should love, hate the ones you should hate
You should leave some love for yourself

A woman's only naivety and talent of gentleness
Should be saved for the one who truly loves you
It doesn't matter how bitter or difficult the future is
You'll have him by your side the whole time

Although love is a kind of duty, in giving it, give it completely
Sometimes love's beauty has no way of lasting forever
Love can enrapture you just as much as it can hurt you
If you've bravely loved, then you should bravely leave

Music makes me happy or sad... But it's great either way! I love it! I just need to master Japanese to understand the meaning of the songs I love... I can get the translation but I want to personally get it! Right!

I been in a thinking mode for the past few days... I want to so much to do something that is so very wrong but I am totally confused and fucked if I do... I don't want to loose everything I have worked so hard to get... I am really in a desperate situation, what to do, aaarrrgghhh. I cannot talk about this to anyone, I just can't! I have tried to analyse it myself but I am stupid and think that I am the worst person to make the decision, right... Crap!

Like the song says...

I always said that I would make mistakes,
I'm only human, and that’s my saving grace,
I fall as hard as I try
So don't be blinded
See me as I really am, I have flaws and sometimes I even sin,
so pull me from that pedestal,
I don't belong there.

Let's see what happens right!

Itsumo no shisen ni kimi ga ite kokyuu ga dekiru
Boku ni totte nara Sore dake de
Mou Juubun na hazu na no ni

Chippoke na boku wa kurikaesu ayamachi bakari
Dorehodo tsuyosa wo te ni shitara
Nani mo kizutsukezu sumu no?

Mayowazu ni Kono ai wo shinji ikiteyuku
Fusagaranu kizuguchi mo gyu'tto dakishimete

Futari wa aruki-tsuzukeru Ato ni wa modorenai kara
Ima demo kono mune no oku Kesenai tsumi wa itamu kedo
DARLING

Ano hi ushinatta aijou ni setsunasa wo oboe
Boku wa senmei na kono sora no aosa ni sukoshi tomadotte

Tatoe moshi nani ga gisei demo Tada hitotsu shinjita
Kimi no massugu na me ni utsuru setsuna ni saita hana no iro

Muryoku demo kono sadame Tsuyoku ikiteyuku
Te wo musubu taion wa zutto tokeatte
Dattara issou no koto seotta batsu nara tsurakute mo

Moshi tatoe kimi to kono mama
Sekai no nami ni sakarau dake da to shite mo...

Mayowazu ni Kono ai wo shinji ikiteyuku
Fusagaranu kizuguchi mo gyu'tto dakishimete

Mayowazu ni kono sadame Ikiru ikiteyuku
Kimi to nara eien mo kitto tsunagatte
Futari de tada mae wo mite dou ni mo naranakutatte
Soredemo kanarazu kimi wo kono te de mamori-tsuzukeru

DARLING

by Haley J Scott [One Tree Hill]

Verse 1
I never promised you a ray of light,
I never promised there'd be sunshine everyday,
I gave you everything I have, the good, the bad.
Why do you put me on a pedestal,
I'm so up high that I can't see the ground below,
So help me down you've got it wrong, I don't belong there.

Chorus
One thing is clear,
I wear a halo,
I wear a halo when you look at me,
But standing from here, you wouldn't say so
you wouldn't say so, if you were me
And I, I just wanna love you,
Oh oh I, I just wanna love you

Verse 2
I always said that I would make mistakes,
I'm only human, and that’s my saving grace,
I fall as hard as I try
So don't be blinded
See me as I really am, I have flaws and sometimes I even sin,
so pull me from that pedestal,
I don't belong there.

Chorus
One thing is clear,
I wear a halo,
I wear a halo when you look at me,
But standing from here, you wouldn't say so
you wouldn't say so, if you were me
And I, I just wanna love you,
Oh oh I, I just wanna love you

Why you think that you know me
But In your eyes
I am something above you
It’s only in your mind
Only in your mind
I wear a
I wear a
I wear a Halo

One thing is clear,
I wear a halo,
I wear a halo when you look at me,
But standing from here, you wouldn't say so
you wouldn't say so, if you were me
And I, I just wanna love you,
Oh oh I, I just wanna love you

Haaaa ha-ha halo(x9)

Watching:
Densha Otoko [another] = [Part 1]
Delightful Girl Choon-Hyang
My Name is Kim Sam-Soon

Search for Kdramas

A music video:
Jacky Cheung search
Jacky Cheung - Blessing

Still looking for this CD:
這個冬天不太冷（広東語）
This Winter Not Too Cold by Jacky Cheung from 1994

And thinking:
- Why is it that pride comes first and being reasonable is last?

1. What time did you get up this morning? 10.23am

2. Diamonds or pearls? pearls

3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? I can't remember at all! Yes, it's been that long!

4. What is your favorite TV show. I have too many! but a few: OC, Lost, Inuyasha, the L word, George Lopez, According to Jim, Hope and Faith, Nip/Tuck, Desperate house wives, Grey's Anatomy, ER, Bernie Mac, House, Gilmore Girls, CSI: Las Vegas, Charmed, Everwood, One Tree Hill, Iron Chef, Iron Chef America, 30min. Meals, Chef at home, Shopping Bags, Barefoot Contessa, Martin Yang: Quick and Easy, Christine Cushing Live, Christine Cushing: Cook With Me, Sugar, Good Eats, Unwrapped, Holmes on Homes, Hot Property, Buy Me, Neat, Mission: Organization, Kink, Sin Cities, Ghost in a Shell, and anything Anime, dodramas, kdramas!! I really watch all these shows! This way it's out there that I have no social life at all!!!!

5. What did you have for breakfast? Taiyaki [ fishy stuffed with sweet bean ]

6. What is your middle name? I can't I don't know what my parents were thinking when they gave it too me... I dislike it! All I can say is many think it's unique!

7. Favorite cuisine? Japanese

8. What foods do you dislike? Cow tongue and stomach

9. Favorite CD at the moment? No album just singles and there are toomany like 200-300 songs

10. Favorite sandwich? Subway: cheese steak sandwich.

11. Favorite item of clothing? My grey pants

12. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation where would you go? Japan

13. What color is your bathroom? White

14. Favorite brand of clothing? Anything that fits well

15. Where would you retire to? I never thought about it. I hope to die by 55-60

16. Favorite time of the day? Sunset

17. What was your most memorable birthday? 21st!

18. Where were you grew up? SanFern, CA

19. Favorite sport to watch? N/A

20. Who do you least expect to send this back to you? No one

21. Person you expect to send it back first? No one

22. What fabric detergent do you use? Tide

23. What is your favorite color? Baby Blue

24. Are you a morning person or a night person? Morning

25. What is your shoe size? 6 1/2

26. Do you have any pets? My 2 kitties: Mitsuru and Carly

27. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share with friends and family? We finally have done our renovations!

28. What did you want to be when you were little? A flight attendant, I always wanted to travel the world!!!

29. What is the name of the book you are currently reading? Shop-a-holic, xxx-holic, fruit basket, planet ladder and pita ten

30. If you could meet anyone alive or dead, besides Jesus, who would it be? My grandfather

My pc is being a freaken bitch!! Been backing up all my crap! I have been without net for a while... I hate this... Using B-G's PC... Kind of wierd as its not a desktop... Now we are really considering getting the MAC. Just this morning he just touched my pc and it freaken shut down... now that is some serious shit! I will back up and call Microbytes, lets see what lame excuse they come up with. I never ever buy another pc from them! Plus, its time to change to something else... I think I will look into LINUX! And learnd that world cuz Windows ain't freaken working for me...

Gots to go... Need to continue backing up my crap! Its taking for ever as my pc keeps crashing!! AAARRRRRGGGHHHH.....

Was wondering why my freaken link to goddess was sending me to microsoft? Bimbo me had an extra 'http://.' It happens when I don't freaken look carefully!

You have no idea how bad I want an iBook! I am so ready to toss this piece of crap but the $$ which is still being sort a prob... I have like about 1 out the 4 and still going. If I worked I would buy it in an instant but lazy me... Although I been looking for a job for 2 weeks... The important fact is: I still haven't really send my cv to the agency that got me a really good job about 4 years ago... What doe that tell you?

On another note I spend most of the day watching 'My Girl' at youtube... But I stopped at Episode 7 (part 3), it just didn't want to upload and went to d-addicts but it wasn't happening there so I disconnected and went to bed...

I also have to leave feedback at ebay for stuff I bought and recieved yesterday! YAH!

Well... forgot to do some things yesterday. Like update my links and change one in perticular. Send mail, late like always, to goddess... She is a total sweetheart and now probably living in the city of sin! Happy for her!

Ragtooth, helped me with my PC woes... That was so nice of him. As I'm so paranoid of getting anything and everything on my PC. Yeah, I get the blue screen of death once in a while, ok more when I reboot the freaken computer. I have taken it to microbytes like 6 times and they found a virus the first time, changed the hard drive 2nd time, on the 3rd changed the memory, 4rd and 5th they said nothing was wrong, and finally on the 6th they change the the mini fan in the back... But they said nothing was wrong... They put it through prime95 and 3dmark2001 which they told me about and left them on my pc... I have no clue what the hell those things are but apparently if I am not mistaken they are programs to really put stress on the CPU. I think called benchmark programs?

anime lyrics
nihon-fr
browse happy
paper mojo
project j

Attack of the Show

This still amazes me!!!!!

Secret Agent Josephine's old blog! at blogshares!

wanted to send email to 'Chub Creek' a podcast I like but never did!:
Love your podcast! I have downloaded all 49 + the other 6 (1 video/skit) which have no #! I love just love it! You need to make a cd of all your songs. Damn good! :)

tutorial outpost count
tutorial outpost drawing

Need to see this store's Online Flyer Need Driving Directions?
Store Information:
JULIE DOUCET (Pharmacist/Owner) Store #43
7275 SHERBROOKE EST
MONTREAL, QC, H1N 1E9
Phone: 514-352-5511

PC-cillin Internet Security

Brother MFC-8840D / 5-in-1 [$799.99]
HP Color LaserJet 2840 All-in-One (Q3950A)

digital home about cable companies in Canada...

there's a forum!
internet listings in Quebec...

Always make sure that you are the owner (or "registrant")!
dreamhost

protect patients now!
"Across the country, patient access to quality medical care is being threatened by personal injury
attorneys who are driving good doctors out of the practice of medicine or forcing them to cut back on "high risk" life-saving treatments.
Protect Patients Now is a nationwide grassroots campaign of concerned citizens and doctors dedicated to passing national medical
liability reform that will end lawsuit abuse and make sure that the care you need will be there when you need it."

Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon presequel and sequel are being made...
Sin City 2 will wait for Angelina Jolie to give birth. She's pretty important for a producer to wait plus she's the main character!
A new PSP with HD and camera are in the works, my guess to upset the delay of the PS3...

So amazon is going into the downloading biz for shows as they own the IMDB...

I cannot believe the, ok hold on yes I can, that CIA operatives have been discorvered by being googled!

via JAG:
- “Backward evolution” spawns ape-like people found in 17p gene and the first known language gen FoxP2 in 2002. called Unertan syndrome consists of quadrupedal gait, severe mental retardation, and primitive language. [article - movie]

What I needed to know about Firefox... Very important for me to know!!!
Software installation disabled:

In Firefox 1.0.x the option to allow web sites to install software is found under "Tools -> Options -> Web Features -> Allow web sites to install software". Starting in Firefox 1.5 the option has been removed from the user interface (UI). The software installation option must be enabled to allow installation of themes, extensions and certain plugins that use the XPInstall method.

If you click a web site's "Install" link and you see a message bar that says "Software installation is currently disabled. Click Edit Options... to enable it and try again.",

* Firefox 1.0.x: Click the "Edit Options" button to open the Web Features preferences panel, place a checkmark in front of "Allow web sites to install software" and try again.
* Firefox 1.5: If you previously disabled this option and then updated to Firefox 1.5, the disabled setting will be carried over. Since the option to enable software installation no longer exists in the UI, you will need to use about:config to reset the "xpinstall.enabled" preference to the default "true" value (bug 310737). These step-by-step instructions should fix the problem:

1. Type about:config in the Location Bar and hit enter.
2. Type xpi in the Filter box and find xpinstall.enabled in the list.
3. Make sure its value is set to "true" (double-click will toggle).

(Some users may have disabled the software installation option based on security issues which have since been resolved [1]. To reassure, software cannot be automatically installed without first being granted permission via the "OK, Cancel" installation dialog, which has a two-second delay before you can select "OK".)

Note: Updating of themes and extensions will hang indefinitely, with no user feedback, if software installation is disabled bug 288054....


Comments left in the past to BEX:
Hey, the store is great I've had the DaiFUKU: chocolate and strawberry, they are just yummy! :razz:

I have to take a longer look at the site... Check it out... the collon creams look great... :oops: heee 'colon' heee :oops:... the Hi Chu is not that great have them here with different flavors. I tried the Kasugai Lechee gummy it's amazing! :wuv:

I have to check if the Ramune soda is the one with the ball inside. I heard it tastes just awful... :cry:

Lydia must be so cute playing the hide and seek game... just cute... :wuv:

Woreker bee are yah now... good for you... i been a lazy chick for the past few days. I even missed my Japanese Class, bad girl that I am :eek:. The Valentine's was similar to yours except I had no curry. :cry:

I love your bunny smilies they're great! :cool:

ciao-meow

another one:
wuv: Hiya!

This will be like the 3rd attempt to leave you a comment... I cannot believe it has gone down the drains, man! Thank you so very much

for coming over to mysite! You are a sweetheart. Hope your Valentine's was great!! :cool:

Hope Lydia's doing better and the $$$ problem has been solved with your payroll...

What did you get? Happy to hear that you send your penpal such nice things... Yeah, it can't never be a british gift if it doesn't have

TEA! :razz:

ciao-meow! :oops

Part of a post from 6-16-05 thursday:
went shopping which it help me so very much! I love fruit & passion, spent a little bit there... well, needed fragances for the house and myself... heee... have fun shopping all the time... heee... la senza was great yesterday!

have been diagnosed with tennis elbow and carpal tunnel! Been taking Advil and Tylenol to reduce the pain. And some other med to reduce the inflamation. It's due to excessive PC usage. Been cleaning my Poddy... Fixing all the songs and arranging them properly and getting the lyrics at corichan. That site has major lyrics for Jpop/Kpop. Just great! Also wikied Utada...

tried to comment on Bex blog but no use, it ignores my comments and it's not the first time. Here's the latest comment I wanted to post:

Hiya Bex!
I see alls good. I'm sorry to hear you got hacked... I was thinking of doing the same a photo gallery but the hacking that has occurred to you makes me doubt on doing it... Will think about it...
Hope Lydia's :wuv: doing super! One morning you'll wake up and find her blabbing and remember the times when she only said 'Ap.'
Take care,
Maizzy :smile:

Have pointed it out to her but I guess, oh well...

I haven't been using it much so that has been one of the reasons for the lack for blogging too...

B-G's nephew Marcus is so darn cute... He's now 9mths, APRIL 7th, yesterday! :) He is a very quiet and well behaved baby. Plus, it's giving B-G some really serious thinking issues... I think he wants one... He keeps mentioning how cool a baby would be and how we would be so very happy... Yikes! Am I ready for that? I'm scared, more then anything...

I wonder who are the big B@#ches and A-h#$%s of the entertainment world are?

TOTAL RUMOUR [for now] : May? DS Lite [addict3d has a image of EMG article that came from kotaku article]. Once again the New Mario Bros for DS has gotten a new release date can this be linked to DS Lite release too? Can it be a package? Sounds like in Europe it will come out in June? Can it really be really coming, I'm just praying! :) Hopefully, it will really be cuz I just purchased like 5 games frome ebay! YAH!!!!

Listening to OTAKU GEN.

what the hell is all this that I found on my PC. reg edit folders:
securom
pepimk software - spy bot
xing technologies

found and cannot delete... AAAHHH!! dvdshell.dll has alot of crap, will try download a new one?

Is it normal for the system volume information folder to say that it's not accessible and 'ACCESS IS DENIED'?

Deleted the following: j2se runtime environment 5.0 update 4 [118MB] by Sun Microsystems inc. ver 1.5.0.40 [I think I should downloaded once again and install it!]

wtf is this: msmpeng.exe

Toos and Materials Needed [ x : x ]

* Slats of lattice, pulled apart or slats of wood of the same size painted black
* Rice paper
* Latex paint
* Finishing nails
* Exacto knife
* Staple gun
* Small jigsaw
* Set square

Getting Started:
Measure the width and length of the window you will be covering.
Cut 2 slats of wood a bit longer than the length of the window, and 2 slats a bit longer than the width of the window.
Set these out on your work surface, and align them to form a rectangle or square. Nail the slats in place - check that the angles are all 90 degrees by using a set square.
Find the center of the frame's length, as well as the center of the frame's width, and mark them.
Place the vertical center slat, and secure in place with finishing nails. Ditto with the horizontal center slat.
Add as many slats as you wish in the same manner, to form a simple grid forming squares no smaller than 6" x 6".
Flip over the frame. Starting from one side of the frame, place a length of the rice paper over the back of the frame. Attach it with a staple gun, and trim off the excess by cutting along the center of one of the slats with an Exacto knife. Repeat this process until the back of the frame is neatly covered with rice paper. Turn over.
Once the whole piece is finished, paint over the nail heads with black paint.
Hang to cover the window.

Anise Cookie Recipe - Biscotti Anginetti

Ingredients:
* 1/2 cup anise seeds, finely chopped or ground
* 3 2/3 cups unbleached flour
* 1/4 tsp baking soda
* 1 cup butter, room temperature
* 1 cup sugar
* 1 cup brown sugar, firmly packed
* 1 egg
* 3 Tbs honey
* 1/3 cup whole milk
* 1 cup confectioners sugar
* 1 tsp water

Directions:
Chop anise seeds finely (I have a pepper grinder filled with anise seeds).
In a bowl mix the flour and baking soda. In a mixing bowl, cream butter and sugar. Beat in the egg, honey, milk, and anise seeds. Blend in the flour-baking soda mixture.
Cover and allow to rest in a cool place for an hour. Shape dough into rolls about 1/2" in diameter. Pinch off a 4" rope and twist into a figure 8 shape. Place the cookies on an ungreased baking sheet. Bake at 375°F for 10 to 12 minutes. Remove and allow to cool. Mix together the confectioners sugar and water to make a glaze. Drizzle or paint the tops of the cookies with the glaze.
Note: called some times genetti by some Italian Americans.

Anginetti (Italian Lemon Drop Cookies)
Makes 24 cookies [30 minutes 15 mins prep]

Ingredients:
COOKIE
* 1/2 cup sugar
* 1/4 cup vegetable shortening
* 3 large eggs
* 1 1/2 teaspoons lemon extract
* 2 cups all-purpose flour
* 1 1/2 teaspoons baking powder
* 1/8 teaspoon salt
FROSTING
* 3 cups confectioners' sugar
* 1/4 cup water
* 1 teaspoon lemon extract

Directions:
Preheat oven to 350°F. For cookies, cream together sugar and shortening. Add eggs and lemon extract and beat well. Add flour, baking powder and salt; Mix well. The dough should be soft and sticky.m With a small cookie scoop, drop dough onto a slightly greased cookie sheet or baking stone, spacing them about 2-inches apart. Bake for about 12-15 minutes, or until firm and lightly brown. Remove cookies from cookie sheet and allow to cool completely on wire racks.
For frosting, combine confectioners' sugar, water and lemon extract and mix until smooth.
Frost the tops of each cookie with a metal spatula. Allow cookies to dry before stacking.
Store in an airtight container.
NOTE: If you want to freeze the cookies, freeze unfrosted and frost once thawed.

been on a shopping spree on ebay and given some money to some really deserving peeps and charities... Yeah...

Gots some DS games for my future DS Lite which will buy once it hits stores here... Crossing my fingers its in May like the rumours are predicting! :)

B-G bought Kentucky for himself. I been trying not to eat anything that is fast food... need to band it from my life for atleast 1yr or 2 or even maybe for ever. As I really don't miss it at all. I can cook most of the stuff I like... So, that is no problem...

Have been reading all my regular reads... I found that goddess site is under construction, need to send her an email to see what's up in that corner of her life... Hope alls good with her!

The kitties are doing great and playing their crazy games as always...

Well, gonna go play some katamari... laterz...

Yesterday went for brunch at Chez Cora's. We were late 15 min... B-G's brother-in-law was like upset... What ever! :P

Wasn't so nice as the night before... Nori was at home sleeping but had left by the time we came back.

Went to Deco Decouvert (Home Outfitters) and got a trashcan set for the bathroom, a front entrance rug [the cats were all over it like crazy! Need to change it cuz it has a deffect] and 2 cushions that match the bed sets we bought at Ikea last weekend. Still waiting on the sofa covers that we order... Hopefully by Tuesday they will get in and we can change them!!!

Took a shower... Went to bed early...

We have put our clocks ahead. This will be the last time we set our clocks the first week of April as next year we are synchronizing with the US...

B-G will be going to do rounds at the geriactric hospital! :) So no time for going to leave the rug!

NLO [Episode 54: All Aboard]... 16 episodes left 'til I'm catched up but haven't listen to the other 51 episodes...

need to read this article on blue screen of death. My latest STOP errors!

(0xC0000005, 0x80565c79, 0xAFEEZA7C, 0x00000000)
(0xC0000005, 0x8054B339, 0xB12E86D4, 0x00000000)

These are themes for XP which Mac asked MS to take out of their downloads: EclipseOSX v4.40" and "MacOSX Aqua 3.2 or RottenApple. Banned!!!

You can buy iTunes Japan certificates at jbox to get Japanese music on iTunes...

Friday night we went for diner with B-G's sis... Ate Italian at 'Pasta Tutti Giorni'... Very yummy! They liked it very much!

The baby is so cute! :) Ate really litttle due to holding the baby all the time and my temp crown felt so freaken wierd! So I just had soup and didn't even eat it all...

Came home and had a few msg from storage places... had to call that the ones we didn't pick and went to get the paper done at PS!! A brand new location, which is sweet!! :)

Spoke to Nori and he came over. Made curry veggies with beef! It was so freaken good! Loved it... stayed up til 3:40 am...