I hate when people leave stupid things that they don' t know what the hell they are talking about. Looser...

Changed my comment acceptance to only bloggers! I accept any comment atleast make yourself known for crying out loud. How pathetic can you be. Having an opinion and not leaving your name. That just pisses me off. Weak and retarded, that's my understanding of people when they do that.

What a rant... but I am still having a wonderful day...

It's gloomy and rainy. I wanted to go out an do some stuff but the weather is so darn icky that I just want to stay home cleaning and cooking and surfing.

Called cell company as I got a msg from them saying my unlimited local calling will end on the 27th of this month. But apparently it will end on the 18th of Aug which is sweet, plus all 3 phones have it. SUGOI!!!!

Going to go study Japanese now... Matane...

My messy new place... On July 1st!!!

Been on the hunt for a job. Finally got net last week. Been lazy on updating my blog.

I really been mostly watching youtube stuff. Nothing interesting has happened to really talk about besides just living my life and finding it a bit hard not to find a job that I really like.

I am happy for now, the is the truth. What with the new apt on the way. I am still looking for a job and well things been quite good, but my heart is still spinning. Why is it that every time I am happy I feel guilty? I think of the worst and hardest things in life. I want to scream and I want to laugh all in one. My thinking has gone on a sleeping mode and when it wakes it's total happiness... I feeling that is so awkward to my senses... How can I say things that cannot be put into words. My life has changed and well things are not quite easy but they are quite happy. Some might say its a temporary thing but I hope is not!

In other matters my bro is back from Japan. Yep, he is doing his thing now. I talked to him finally and he's fine. I guess the experience was quite good but he's now out and happy. The only thing is now he has other set backs in his life for his future I mean. As he dropped out of the Marines and now he is a washout sort of,but I am happy that he is not risking his life and he can have a normal one of that. On the 14th he's of to Chicago for an interview for a job. Which is great! I wish him all the luck in the world.

Been smoking like a chimney, need to quit but hey it keeps be off much much much food... I am quite ok with it for now. I know cancer lurks in the background but that's ok!

That's about it for now....

Dime por qué lloras
De felicidad
Y por qué te ahogas
Por la soledad
Di por qué me tomas, fuerte así,
mis manos, y tus pensamientos te van llevando

Yo te quiero tanto
Y por qué será
Loco testarudo, no lo dudes más,
aunque en el futuro haya un muro enorme,
yo no tengo miedo, quiero enamorarme.

No me ames, porque pienses que
parezco diferente
Tú no piensas que es lo justo,
ver pasar el tiempo juntos
No me ames, que comprendo,
la mentira que sería.
Si tu amor no merezco, no me ames,
mas quédate otro día

No me ames, porque estoy perdido,
porque cambié el mundo, porque es el
destino, porque no se puede, somos un espejo,
Y tú así serías lo que yo
de mí reflejo
No me ames, para estar muriendo,
dentro de una guerra llena de
arrepentimientos, no me ames para estar
en tierra, quiero alzar el
vuelo, con
tu gran amor por el azul del cielo
No sé qué decirte, esa es la verdad,
si la gente quiere, sabe lastimar
Tú y yo partiremos, ellos no se mueven,
pero en este cielo sola no me dejes

No me dejes, no me dejes, no me escuches,
si te digo "no me ames".
No me dejes, no desarmes,
mi corazón con ese "no me ames"
No me ames, te lo ruego, mi amargura, dèjame
Sabes bien, que no puedo, que es inútil,
que siempre te amaré

No me ames, pues te haré sufrir con este
corazòn que se llenó de mil inviernos
No me ames, para así olvidarte de tus días grises, quiero que me ames
sólo por amarme
No me ames, tú y yo volaremos,
uno con el otro y seguiremos siempre juntos
Este amor es como el sol que sale tras de la tormenta
Como dos cometas en la misma estela

so the last few days been sort of an eye opening. I send bum an email but no reply... I got some things I need to work on. I thank all the people who send their best wishes. been out of the net for a while. my grandmother is dying and I been so sad. I did the most stupid thing and now I'm paying for it. I have turn my life upside down and crap! I needt to fix it. I also, have quit my job and I'm in the process of getting a new one. I knew it was too good to be true. I now need to really think and not take the first job that is offered to me. They were just wanting too much out of me. I felt that I was being used. I got was being trained in like 3 different dept because I heard that they didnt want to hire more then one and alot of the work was being dumped on me. I was so stressed, even stayed late a few time just to help out. The apt is not ready to move in yet. maybe by the end of next week it will happened. The lease is signed and sealed so that I am not worried about. The search for a job continues.......

So the good news is got the job! It was my first interview in like 2yrs. Went to 2 and the first wanted me... Funny! Started today! pretty fun and all... And got an apt yesterday, signed the lease and all! It's really near my work, which I guess is great! 10-15 min away...
Been really thinkings tuff and wll life takes you in such a different direction that you expected. I thought my life was set and then something happened and all turned upside down, I guess for the good but still do miss my old life... Miss the comfort of it... Yeah, lazy me trying to analyse what shitty life I had for like 2 yrs. Well, it wasn't that bad, could have made it work, right Mondo? Heee... I really had it good! Everything in my life was taken care of but then I gave up alot to have it that way, and I guess I am better off. I am truly scared but maybe this one will be good and happy. Shit what the fuck!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm so freaken lame...
Nothing else has been happening... I've been lazy at reading peeps blogs... Need to catch up and all... Haven't really checked emails or nothing... Freak, been totally out of the loop of the net... Although, I miss it, I tend to go in and out of that world... I want so much to be able to do alot but crap it's all coming in slow now. Specially now with work and a new place, freak will be waiting for like 2-3 wks on that. My pad is totally sweet! I love it! Eventually, will now feel more like home then were I was before. Finally my OWN PLACE!!!!!!!!!!! About fuckin' time right!!!

Crap I've sworn so much on this. Sorry about it!

So back from the world wind that I call my life... I think that my life is changing as time goes by. I will be going to a job interview on Monday @ 10am. Wish me luck! :) A bit nervous but all will be ok. If this works then I can get and my own place, next! Crossing my fingers so badly this works...

I have also thought so much these past few days about me, my life and what I want it to be. I think that all that is around needs to change but I want it fast and now! Not a very patient person sometimes specially when I want change NOW!

Spoken to my mom and she's at the present moment on vacation in Atlanta, GA. Lucky!!!

I have found 2 songs that I wish and will download soon, hopefully, by UVERworld: D-technolife (lyrics) and Colors of the Heart. TAKUYA∞, the vocalist, looks really cute on the first video I watched on youtube but on Chance and Just Melody he looks totally different. Not so cute... hee... But still...

I change my comments as Bloopy mentioned it to me on his comments. THX :) He has the coolest way of giving a Vodka gift to someone. Pretty special... A man with a alot of imagination! Heee... Also, showed me the cutest site ever cuteoverload.com. KAWAII!!!!

The days have passed pretty fast for me these few weeks. I got an email on the 24th about a job offer hopefully I get it. I put my cv on monster and I had just updated and then that happened! I am still looking fir a job and an apt. I will be moving out of my boyfriends house, its time to become independent. I been too selfish and wanting to just be bum! I have not been wanting to be with him any more. It's going to hurt him but I need to do this. I am no longer happy! I need more and with out him will be better.

so the day has been totale yucky! I been thinking that even though my nails look nice they are already driving me crazy. I can't seem to type properly! It takes me like for ever!

Nosthegame and me have been like sending mail back and forth is so great that we have some stuff in common... It's been great!

The confussion has started what todo?The heart is so foolish. I am playing a game that will end so wrong. What is wrong with my heart why is it that it likes pain like a drug! I try to stop and then the freaken thing doesn't give a damn if the cause is so freaken wrong! I have stepped into a bitty little world that will make me happy for like a millisecond and then plunge me into despair for a long time! AAAhhhh what a tangled web I have started to weave!

Been exercising like a mad woman and have ended up with 9.7lbs out of my frame. 45lbs to go and I will be totally happy. Bought my bike for the summer. I love my new bike is so cute, its yummy green and silver.

Eating like a bird and like often. Have left most but not all sweets behind.

Went to get my nails down today. Theylook amazing. The girl was totally sweet! We had a pleasant conversation. Talked about men and why they sometimes are such asses... Heee... Walked from there home. Stopped at the store for cigs and the guy was like: 'Mademoiselle, you know that you have to be 18 to buy cigarrettes.' I was like I'm 33!!! He looked at me and said 'Is in't so lucky to look so young!' I just laughed and thanked him. Totally FUNNY!

That happens from time to time. Why can't men see I look/am 33! CRAP! Yes, most women want to look younger I on the other hand never liked that! I guess that's crazy on my part.

What ever!?

I wanted to go today to go see the powerbook but there was no time. Probably will go Thursday. As tomorrow I will go and see someone.

Also, called my cell carrier to get another phone connected. The Razr v3i for my friend. It cost me like nothing cuz of my account $$.... It's really nice. But I just finished calling again because I wanted to change it to black it looks like totally nicer! And the phone I ordered was the wrong one [Razr v3] that the sales guy put on my invoice. The one I want is w/ mp3s which is the V3i. He had the one without it on my account order... Now the order was cancelled and now I'm waiting for his call. Great!!!! The waiting game has started....

He’s soft to the touch
But afraid at the end he breaks
He’s never enough
And still leaves more than I can take
Oh when I don’t know
I don’t know what he’s after
But he’s so beautiful
Such a beautiful disaster
And if I could hold on
Through the tears and the laughter
Would it be beautiful?
Or just a beautiful disaster

It's hard for you
When your heart has opened up to feelings that you never knew
Never thinking that you'd doubt our love you don't know what to do
I'd give anything, my heart, my soul if i could pull you through

And will your arms still hold me
And your eyes console me?

I’m sitting here alone up in my room
And thinking about the times that we’ve been through (oh my love)
I’m looking at a picture in my hand
Trying my best to understand
I really wanna know what we did wrong
With the love that felt so strong
If only you were here tonight
I know that we could make it right

How was I to know I’d miss you so?
Loneliness up ahead,
Emptiness behind
Where do I go?

Although love is a kind of duty, in giving it, give it completely
Sometimes love's beauty has no way of lasting forever
Love can enrapture you just as much as it can hurt you
If you've bravely loved, then you should bravely leave

But it's time to face the truth,
I will never be with you.

some times things bring you full circle. I have been really thinking all sorts things don't make sense.

Friday was a night that we had a fight. I ended up leaving and coming back Sunday night. The weekend went well... I forgot to call Mondo back, hope he forgives me. But I know he will. I am terribly tired but had a wonderful time. Met the roommates, Japanese girl [the same age as me] and the French guy [a travel agent, who's gone alot to the East]. We talked and had fun!

Didn't eat much as my appetite was cut by the fight and all the surrounding problems that we keep having. I walked for about 2hrs on Fri., Nori was a great companion. Very understanding which was great!

The only thing was I couldn't take a shower in someone else's house which made my hair so dirty. So, ended up taking one when I came back.

Went for a walk to the post office to check for mail. Got my PS2 game iNinja! Will be playing it this evening. The walk was good, we had a good time B-G and me. Went to Tim Horton's to get an Butter Caramel Ice Cappuccino! It was great. I have blisters from Friday. One started to act up near home. Which was good a 1hr 15min walk!

Checked my emails and got updated all my stuff... Listening to music!

Scars (SL - madarin)
The night is deep already; who is it that has
Let you awake like this to count the scars?
Why do you want to leave a light on just before you go to sleep?
If you're not willing to say, then I won't ask

Only now, you have no choice but to admit
Love is sometimes a kind of degradation
Disappointing people, although that is love itself
But don't do that just because you are a woman!

If you love deeply, then it won't be able to balance
For the trouble of sentiment, you've harassed your soul
Love the ones you should love, hate the ones you should hate
You should leave some love for yourself

A woman's only naivety and talent of gentleness
Should be saved for the one who truly loves you
It doesn't matter how bitter or difficult the future is
You'll have him by your side the whole time

Although love is a kind of duty, in giving it, give it completely
Sometimes love's beauty has no way of lasting forever
Love can enrapture you just as much as it can hurt you
If you've bravely loved, then you should bravely leave

Music makes me happy or sad... But it's great either way! I love it! I just need to master Japanese to understand the meaning of the songs I love... I can get the translation but I want to personally get it! Right!

I been in a thinking mode for the past few days... I want to so much to do something that is so very wrong but I am totally confused and fucked if I do... I don't want to loose everything I have worked so hard to get... I am really in a desperate situation, what to do, aaarrrgghhh. I cannot talk about this to anyone, I just can't! I have tried to analyse it myself but I am stupid and think that I am the worst person to make the decision, right... Crap!

Like the song says...

I always said that I would make mistakes,
I'm only human, and that’s my saving grace,
I fall as hard as I try
So don't be blinded
See me as I really am, I have flaws and sometimes I even sin,
so pull me from that pedestal,
I don't belong there.

Let's see what happens right!

Itsumo no shisen ni kimi ga ite kokyuu ga dekiru
Boku ni totte nara Sore dake de
Mou Juubun na hazu na no ni

Chippoke na boku wa kurikaesu ayamachi bakari
Dorehodo tsuyosa wo te ni shitara
Nani mo kizutsukezu sumu no?

Mayowazu ni Kono ai wo shinji ikiteyuku
Fusagaranu kizuguchi mo gyu'tto dakishimete

Futari wa aruki-tsuzukeru Ato ni wa modorenai kara
Ima demo kono mune no oku Kesenai tsumi wa itamu kedo
DARLING

Ano hi ushinatta aijou ni setsunasa wo oboe
Boku wa senmei na kono sora no aosa ni sukoshi tomadotte

Tatoe moshi nani ga gisei demo Tada hitotsu shinjita
Kimi no massugu na me ni utsuru setsuna ni saita hana no iro

Muryoku demo kono sadame Tsuyoku ikiteyuku
Te wo musubu taion wa zutto tokeatte
Dattara issou no koto seotta batsu nara tsurakute mo

Moshi tatoe kimi to kono mama
Sekai no nami ni sakarau dake da to shite mo...

Mayowazu ni Kono ai wo shinji ikiteyuku
Fusagaranu kizuguchi mo gyu'tto dakishimete

Mayowazu ni kono sadame Ikiru ikiteyuku
Kimi to nara eien mo kitto tsunagatte
Futari de tada mae wo mite dou ni mo naranakutatte
Soredemo kanarazu kimi wo kono te de mamori-tsuzukeru

DARLING

by Haley J Scott [One Tree Hill]

Verse 1
I never promised you a ray of light,
I never promised there'd be sunshine everyday,
I gave you everything I have, the good, the bad.
Why do you put me on a pedestal,
I'm so up high that I can't see the ground below,
So help me down you've got it wrong, I don't belong there.

Chorus
One thing is clear,
I wear a halo,
I wear a halo when you look at me,
But standing from here, you wouldn't say so
you wouldn't say so, if you were me
And I, I just wanna love you,
Oh oh I, I just wanna love you

Verse 2
I always said that I would make mistakes,
I'm only human, and that’s my saving grace,
I fall as hard as I try
So don't be blinded
See me as I really am, I have flaws and sometimes I even sin,
so pull me from that pedestal,
I don't belong there.

Chorus
One thing is clear,
I wear a halo,
I wear a halo when you look at me,
But standing from here, you wouldn't say so
you wouldn't say so, if you were me
And I, I just wanna love you,
Oh oh I, I just wanna love you

Why you think that you know me
But In your eyes
I am something above you
It’s only in your mind
Only in your mind
I wear a
I wear a
I wear a Halo

One thing is clear,
I wear a halo,
I wear a halo when you look at me,
But standing from here, you wouldn't say so
you wouldn't say so, if you were me
And I, I just wanna love you,
Oh oh I, I just wanna love you

Haaaa ha-ha halo(x9)

Watching:
Densha Otoko [another] = [Part 1]
Delightful Girl Choon-Hyang
My Name is Kim Sam-Soon

Search for Kdramas

A music video:
Jacky Cheung search
Jacky Cheung - Blessing

Still looking for this CD:
這個冬天不太冷（広東語）
This Winter Not Too Cold by Jacky Cheung from 1994

And thinking:
- Why is it that pride comes first and being reasonable is last?

1. What time did you get up this morning? 10.23am

2. Diamonds or pearls? pearls

3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? I can't remember at all! Yes, it's been that long!

4. What is your favorite TV show. I have too many! but a few: OC, Lost, Inuyasha, the L word, George Lopez, According to Jim, Hope and Faith, Nip/Tuck, Desperate house wives, Grey's Anatomy, ER, Bernie Mac, House, Gilmore Girls, CSI: Las Vegas, Charmed, Everwood, One Tree Hill, Iron Chef, Iron Chef America, 30min. Meals, Chef at home, Shopping Bags, Barefoot Contessa, Martin Yang: Quick and Easy, Christine Cushing Live, Christine Cushing: Cook With Me, Sugar, Good Eats, Unwrapped, Holmes on Homes, Hot Property, Buy Me, Neat, Mission: Organization, Kink, Sin Cities, Ghost in a Shell, and anything Anime, dodramas, kdramas!! I really watch all these shows! This way it's out there that I have no social life at all!!!!

5. What did you have for breakfast? Taiyaki [ fishy stuffed with sweet bean ]

6. What is your middle name? I can't I don't know what my parents were thinking when they gave it too me... I dislike it! All I can say is many think it's unique!

7. Favorite cuisine? Japanese

8. What foods do you dislike? Cow tongue and stomach

9. Favorite CD at the moment? No album just singles and there are toomany like 200-300 songs

10. Favorite sandwich? Subway: cheese steak sandwich.

11. Favorite item of clothing? My grey pants

12. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation where would you go? Japan

13. What color is your bathroom? White

14. Favorite brand of clothing? Anything that fits well

15. Where would you retire to? I never thought about it. I hope to die by 55-60

16. Favorite time of the day? Sunset

17. What was your most memorable birthday? 21st!

18. Where were you grew up? SanFern, CA

19. Favorite sport to watch? N/A

20. Who do you least expect to send this back to you? No one

21. Person you expect to send it back first? No one

22. What fabric detergent do you use? Tide

23. What is your favorite color? Baby Blue

24. Are you a morning person or a night person? Morning

25. What is your shoe size? 6 1/2

26. Do you have any pets? My 2 kitties: Mitsuru and Carly

27. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share with friends and family? We finally have done our renovations!

28. What did you want to be when you were little? A flight attendant, I always wanted to travel the world!!!

29. What is the name of the book you are currently reading? Shop-a-holic, xxx-holic, fruit basket, planet ladder and pita ten

30. If you could meet anyone alive or dead, besides Jesus, who would it be? My grandfather

My pc is being a freaken bitch!! Been backing up all my crap! I have been without net for a while... I hate this... Using B-G's PC... Kind of wierd as its not a desktop... Now we are really considering getting the MAC. Just this morning he just touched my pc and it freaken shut down... now that is some serious shit! I will back up and call Microbytes, lets see what lame excuse they come up with. I never ever buy another pc from them! Plus, its time to change to something else... I think I will look into LINUX! And learnd that world cuz Windows ain't freaken working for me...

Gots to go... Need to continue backing up my crap! Its taking for ever as my pc keeps crashing!! AAARRRRRGGGHHHH.....

Was wondering why my freaken link to goddess was sending me to microsoft? Bimbo me had an extra 'http://.' It happens when I don't freaken look carefully!

You have no idea how bad I want an iBook! I am so ready to toss this piece of crap but the $$ which is still being sort a prob... I have like about 1 out the 4 and still going. If I worked I would buy it in an instant but lazy me... Although I been looking for a job for 2 weeks... The important fact is: I still haven't really send my cv to the agency that got me a really good job about 4 years ago... What doe that tell you?

On another note I spend most of the day watching 'My Girl' at youtube... But I stopped at Episode 7 (part 3), it just didn't want to upload and went to d-addicts but it wasn't happening there so I disconnected and went to bed...

I also have to leave feedback at ebay for stuff I bought and recieved yesterday! YAH!