Was too lazy to put it into a nice dish... Whatever, it still tasted good... And plus it was only for bfg and me... :)

Love cooking... I got wonderful stuff from family and hon...

I'm sad... Why? Been thinking and looking and gosh if I was to disappear tomorrow who'd give a fuck? maybe just bfg and family... I pay so much attention to others and like everything it just gets swept away into oblivion. I feel depressed and when I feel like this. I need to get the loneliness out of me. I cry and that's not even enough... I love life but just sometimes, like now, I feel like shit! Yeah, still somewhat young and all but the spirit, the spark and the want diminishes as the years go by. I tend to feel less and less part of this awful society. There are all sorts of things that I hate and detest from the world. I'm only one person. How do I, little old me, even begin to change anything in this awful, messy world!

I try to do nice things for people and put my heart and soul into it but in their eyes I only see that its not good enough. I helped this person in the street and she just pushed me and I felt like crying... I wanted to die and not be a human at that moment. Is it me, am I too sensitive? I speak to people and all I hear is that my opinion is not worth listening too and not good enough. I'm a fucking strong person, I have survived so much in this world. I've tried to end my life for the wrong reasons. I've endured many obstacles in my life. My life has not been a bed of roses at all... I been rich and poor... I've been alone and with others in my life.

I wish, sometimes, if it was possible to give my life to someone else who wants to be here... is that weird? I know that I cannot speak to people about this because they will only think that I'm fucked... or just laugh it off...

Whatever, I'll go and sink my sorrows into some Panettone and listen to music... and cry some more...