why is it that i can't find answers to my manic-freakiness. i hate feeling shitty... i spend the afternoon out trying to see life in the bright light of the day that was today. when i laugh i feel a deep urge to start crying. what the fuck is wrong with me. i want to scream b-g doesn't understand me and i cannot really blame him. it's all in me and i have to get it out some how??? i have no pc.. it has gone to the pc hospital... they'll call tomorrow to see what the out come will be. thinking about the freaken' pc, i cannot believe b-g thought of it first then me. i was like let the freaken' thing die, he (PC) is telling me something.. yes i am very superstitious, when the PC went down on the fritz, i felt like it was saying i'm coming with you if you leave. my PC loves me... am i being so stupid? yes probably but who cares... i have been reading and i wish at times i had a better life then the one i have... it seems that i have a boring existence...

ok let me get over my self pitiful shitof a life... aaahhhh.... i cannot write i need to get over this depression and go to the light... is it season freaken change... why am i not getting happy instead i get like sad & cry!!!! aaarrrggghhh!!!